


Four dates and a Monday

by ShinMeiko



Series: What if multiverse [9]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli, Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-07-11 11:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19927657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko
Summary: The article says that anyone can fall in love in one date, so the lunch table decided to put the theory to the test by randomly drafting names to go on dates.Monday, they will debrief and see if having the perfect date means falling in love.Spin-off to 'Chapter 24 - What if they went on a fake date?' in my 'what if' series.





	1. Bram and Simon

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 24 was by FAR the most commented one. I think you got very excited about it (I think I peaked. That's it guys, it was my best work), and I hope that you will enjoy this 'spin-off' just as much.
> 
> Let's start easy and lazy with Bram's POV of the chapter.

When Garrett asked me if I was freaking out about it, I laughed it off confidently, and assured him that I wasn’t. Garrett was nice enough to pretend he believed me. But the truth is I am completely freaking out. It was a one in seven chances. I am going on a date with Simon Spier.

I really can’t decide if this is a good or a bad thing.

There are clear positives. He’s a boy. A straight boy, given his dating history, but I guess it will still be a more accurate experience than going with a girl. He is cute. Very cute. So cute. Truth is, I have been crushing on Simon since I met him. But I never even dreamt that I would be going on a date with him, not even a fake one. Plus, he is funny. It is probably going to be a fun night out, if anything.

But there are serious negatives. The main one being that I can’t function around Simon Spier. I never even talked to him properly, and I am not that much loquacious around him either. I have no idea if I’ll be able to overcome that Friday night. There is the fact that this will be my first date ever, and that even if a first date with Simon Spier sounds like heaven, a part of me can’t shake the idea that, maybe, my first date shouldn’t be a fake one. It’s great that my first date happens with someone that I like, but shouldn’t it be with someone that likes me too?

Jacques. My first date should absolutely be with Jacques. I think he likes me. Romantically, I mean. I am pretty sure that this is not all in my head, and that we have a connection. He never explicitly flirts, but… I don’t know, I think that there is this big possibility that when we meet, we are going to be boyfriends. Of course, there is the possibility as well that I am just projecting my own feelings into his words, and that when we meet, we’ll just be friends. It doesn’t hurt to not have Jacques when I can’t have him, but how will that feel when he’ll be a real boy that doesn’t want me? This is probably my biggest reason for not meeting in person. Even more so than having to come out. I know that I make up stuff in my mind. Perfect example right now, is the way I keep seeing Jacques in Simon, or Simon in Jacques. But let’s be real. Who gets to fall for an anonymous person on the Internet just to realize that they are in reality their long-time crush? That shit just doesn’t happen.

Is going on a date with Simon closing the door a little further on the possibility of me and Jacques?

And given that Jacques never actually expressed interest other than when making jokes, does that mean that I can pretend for one evening and try to forget that this date with Simon isn’t fake?

  * **Step 1: Make an effort. You have to look your best.**



“Mom, where is my shirt? You know, the one I wore at Chris and Lena’s wedding?”

“Bram, come sit with me for a minute.”

That is not at all the answer I was looking for. I join my mother in the kitchen. She is sitting at the counter, a cup of tea in her hand, the newspaper spread in front of her. She is wearing her glasses. She hates them, but I don’t think she can read small prints without them anymore. They make her look severe, but I oddly like her better with her glasses on.

I sit in front of her, and she has her Protective-Mom face on.

“Bram… Are you sure you should go tonight?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know. You are going out with a boy, you are clearly making an effort to look your best, but yet… it’s not a date?”

“It’s not.”

“Then what are you two doing?”

“Dinner and a movie,” I answer, slightly uncomfortable.

“Bram… In this world, there is Garrett, and there are all the other boys. If you want to wear a nice shirt for ‘dinner and a movie’ with a boy, it’s either Garrett, or it’s a date.”

“Mom… it’s… Simon is straight.”

“Alright. Then it’s not a date for Simon. Simon is probably not trying his best to dress to impress. But what about you, Sweetie?”

“Mom, I… okay, the truth is, it’s sort of a date, but not in the way you think,” I explain the whole thing to her. The article, the draft, the four dates. I almost expect her to be mad or disappointed – that’s technically mom for mad – but she doesn’t. She looks… worried, maybe. “So, you see. It’s not a date.”

“Bram… I think I remember you mentioning Simon a couple of times. Can you truthfully tell me that you don’t have any sort of feelings for Simon?”

“No,” I answer after a pause. “No, I can’t.”

“Then I still think it’s a bad idea, and I still think you should cancel. Nothing good can come of this, and I wouldn’t want for you to get hurt.”

“Mom, I know what I’m walking into. Eating in a restaurant with Simon won’t be any different from eating with him in the school cafeteria.”

We both know it’s a lie, but she lets it go. “The shirt should be in your closet, probably with the rest of your Sunday clothes.” My mom is probably the last person in the world to use the expression ‘Sunday clothes’ in a non-sarcastic way.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, and Bram?”

“Yes?”

“Good choice of outfit. It is your color.”

I nod, grateful that she would support me even if she disapproves of my decision. To be fair, she is probably right. Tonight is certainly going to be a disaster.

  * **Step 2: Be on time. Showing up late sends the message that you don’t care.**



I am fifteen minutes early. Simon is probably not ready, nor that eager to start the date, and it would be awkward to just hang out with my fake-date’s family whilst he’s getting ready. So I wait in my car. I knock on his door at exactly six pm.

He opens his door, and he looks different from school. He looks extremely handsome. Apparently, he has been following the first step. That makes me happy, in a way, even if it was for the article more than for me. I don’t know what he did to his hair, but they look messier than ever. I really want to touch them. Instead, I say, “Hi.”

“Hi.” He looks nervous and uneasy. As much as I would love a date with Simon Spier, I don’t really want to do this if I’m going to feel like he hates it all evening long.

“Look, Simon… we don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable. I know it’s unusual,” I say, giving him an easy way out.

“No, I’m good,” he says, and he seems to genuinely mean that. “I’m sure it will be fun.” He pauses for a second and his smile gets more… Simon-like. “Alright… Should we get going?”

“Sure.”

  * **Step 3: Avoid awkward silences. If you are running out of topics, you can always discuss the reasons you are on a date right now.**



In my car, I get this overwhelming feeling I always get when Simon is around. I can’t talk. It’s as if anything I would say won’t feel or sound right, and I’ll end up looking like an idiot. The silence stretches, and it is not one of those comfortable ones.

Just before it gets properly uncomfortable, Simon gets his phone out and reads out the third step. That makes me laugh and, just like that, the tension is gone. “I’m sure they mean complimenting each other,” I say. “Not discussing their article.”

“I’m sorry if there is someone else you wanted to go with,” he suddenly says, looking quite serious.

“Such as whom?” I ask, properly intrigued.

“Leah? I’ve noticed a couple of looks.”

“Leah?” I’m assuming he means lunch table Leah. How can he believe that? Where does it come from? “No, I didn’t want… I wouldn’t have preferred a date with Leah.” At least that’s not a lie.

“So what do you think about the article?” he asks, changing the subject.

“I think it’s true to some extent. There is something to love in everyone, it’s just about finding it. Besides, usually, people who go on date are at least attracted to one another. The article is just mapping out a good date. But it’s not a magic formula.”

“Oh? So I’m not about to fall in love with you?”

I can feel my face heating up. Simon starts smiling, but it’s not a mocking smile. It’s the kind of smile Garrett could have in such a moment. I think it’s that thought that gives me cheekiness to reply: “Let me know on Monday.”

“How many new couples do you think we’ll get?”

“Nick and Morgan is a clear no. I guess Anna and Garrett are a maybe. I don’t know Abby and Leah well enough to know if it’s a possibility.” It’s so obvious that Nick was hoping for Abby, and that he didn’t even consider the possibility that Morgan might be an interesting date. I have never ever considered the possibility of Garrett and Anna, but I don’t really know her either. I get a weird vibe from Leah, sometimes, that she hides something behind her fake coldness, and that she doesn’t really let people in for a reason. It doesn’t mean that the reason is that she’s into girls, though. It’s just where my mind went first because I’m hiding being gay.

I don’t mention us. It feels like a slippery slope. For a moment, I think that if he asks, I would answer ‘Maybe.’

He doesn’t ask.

  * **Step 4: Don’t go to dinner straight away. You are trying to build a moment, and you want the night to last. A movie is always a safe option.**



We don’t argue with the article, and we go to the cinema. After having a look at the films, I ask him: “Since we are on a date, however fake, should we go for a romcom?”

“Sounds like the only logical choice,” Simon replies. For some reason, I find his phrasing quite funny.

“Yes. Logic. Exactly the kind of feelings we’re looking for right now.”

He gently shoves me with his shoulder, and it feels nice and easy. Apparently, I can talk to Simon, we can have fun together, we can go through tonight without the awkwardness.

I buy the tickets, and he gets the snacks. It almost feels like a real date. Almost. I have to remind myself that Simon is most likely straight, and even if he isn’t, he never showed me any kind of interest. He’s just here because of post-it notes in a pencil case.

“So… Step five? How comfortable are we with this one?” I ask to snap out of it. I am sure that Simon is going to say he doesn’t want to do it, and a small rejection would help right now.

“Uhm… I don’t know. I mean… it’s on the list,” he says instead.

Right. Well, in that case, let’s plan for it. Let’s make it feel forced. “We can’t go for ‘natural and falsely accidental’, tough. Should we plan for it? It’s a romcom, so should we say big romantic end scene?”

“Sounds perfect.” I can tell from his face that he absolutely doesn’t mean that.

  * **Step 5: Make light physical contact. Even before dinner, try to engage in some sort of physical contact to demonstrate your interest. It needs to seem natural, so you can start by brushing your arms against his/her ‘accidentally’ and take it from there. The Holy Grail at this point would be hand holding.**



During the entire movie, our arms keep brushing because of the size of the seats. Every time, I can feel my face heat up. Thank God we’re in the dark. Then the scene starts. The big romantic one that we talked about.

I try a few times, but I can’t seem to have the guts to make physical contact with Simon. Should I put my arms around his shoulders? No, that’s too much. Plus, I’ve been nervous all evening, and I don’t want to challenge my deodorant. Take his hand? That’s probably too forward. What then?

Simon doesn’t seem to be willing to take me out of my misery by taking charge of the situation, so I go with my guts and I put my hand on his knee. It feels so huge. My heart skips a beat when Simon puts his hand on mine. After a few seconds, I move my hand slightly, and his opens up almost organically, and by the time the two protagonists are kissing on the screen, we are properly holding hands. Like a couple on a date.

I need something to anchor me back into reality. I need to think about something that will remind me that Simon isn’t mine, and that we do not belong together.

The first thing that comes to my mind is Jacques. What would he think if he could see me now? Would he be jealous? Or would he be happy for me?

It’s hard to know if what I’m doing is wrong when I don’t know if that other boy is more a Garrett or a Simon.

  * **Step 6: Chose the restaurant wisely. It’s a date, don’t go somewhere you would go with your friends. The aim is romantic, not too crowded, and within budget.**



Simon lets me choose the restaurant, and I take him to a small Italian place that I always wanted to try. The place looks ridiculously adorable, and the food reviews are amazing. I always pictured taking Jacques there, but if I’m being real, there might never be a date with Jacques, and this might be the only date I go to in high school. It seemed like a golden opportunity to try this restaurant in a romantic way.

Even if those are fake dates, we are trying to build up the romance, and it seems like Simon is playing along.

The setup, the lights, the candles… The romantic part of me in nearly dying. Maybe it is a bit much for a fake date. But Simon is looking everywhere with a sort of awe in his eyes, and I think he likes it.

When I sit down, there is a look on his face, something in the way he stares at me, that makes me want to kiss him, right here and now. Not that I would, even on a real date. Not that I will even on this one. The agreement is to stop on the tenth step, and honestly, what fun would there be to kiss someone that doesn’t really feel like it? I’m fine with having a fake first date, but I don’t want a fake first kiss.

The owner is very friendly. He keeps calling us love birds, which could be very awkward, but Simon seems to find it amusing as well. He asks me, with a strong Italian accent that just adds to the charm of the evening, how long we’ve been together with a warm sparkle in his eyes, like our couple is the cutest thing he’s ever seen. I tell him the truth – that it’s our first date – and his smiles widens, as if he were proud that we chose his restaurant for our big night, and tells us that dessert will be on the house.

I didn’t realize that we looked that genuine as a couple, but I am not going to complain about free dessert. Or about someone believing that Simon Spier would date me.

  * **Step 7: During dinner, try to mention five things you like about the other person. Be real, avoid the clichés and don’t try to over-do it.**



Against all odds, I can actually talk to Simon. It’s easy. As easy as talking to Garrett. It’s like there was a wall keeping me from talking to him, and we found the door. Now I’m on the other side, and I am just being myself, without feeling awkward about it.

We talk about school, we talk about movies, we talk about more serious things like the environment, we joke, we laugh… We have a good time.

It’s only before dessert – we are quite full, so we decided to share. I think the owner was about to die of cuteness, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it’s not like that – that we have a look at the seventh step.

It shouldn’t be hard to find five things I like about Simon. It is probably going to be harder for him. I’m not even sure if he really noticed me before the draft.

“I think we should take turns,” He offers. “Can I start?” I nod. It’s better that way. I’ll see how deep I can go after hearing what sort of things he chooses. “I like that you are so smart.” Smart? I mean… I know I am good at academics, but I didn’t think he noticed that. Or that he expanded it as a general ‘smart’. “No, really. I think it’s really impressive how you get high grades, and the answers you give in class, and… I think I just have a thing for grammatical, nerdy people.” My stomach clenches hard. I know that ‘a thing’ can be anything, but maybe it could be kind of thing I have for moon-eyed boys with messy hair?

“I like that you are passionate about drama. I’m always a bit impressed by the way you talk about the play. It’s like you love everything about it. The story, the lights, the costumes, the cast… I don’t know that I have such passion about anything.” He seems happy that I chose that aspect of him. It was an easy hideout, though. Everyone likes that about Simon.

“I like the friendship you have with Garrett. It seems like it’s the two of you against the world, and you strike me as a very loyal person.” Sometimes, I fear that my friendship with Garrett is weird. I don’t worry too much about it, because I have never been really good at fitting into a box, but still I never thought that someone would look up to me for it.

“I like that you’re still friends with Anna. It says a lot about someone when they can be mature enough to move past a break-up.” There is a shadow on Simon’s face for less than a second. At lunch, it did seem like Anna wanted to be picked to go with him on the date – Garrett might be a shock to her system – and I wonder if he feels the same way.

“I like that you’re quiet, but it’s obvious that so much is happening in your head. I would pay good money to be able to read your mind, even just for an hour.”

I can feel my entire face burning. If Simon could read my mind, he would mainly hear stuff about him, and that would be mortifying. “I don’t think I’d like that. I like, however, how funny you are.” He rolls his eyes, as if he doesn’t think that he is that funny. Truthfully, I have already found myself in bed, trying to fall asleep, smiling at the memory of a thing he said during the day. I don’t tell him that.

“I like the way you play soccer. There is something in your game that’s not quite the same as the other players.” Simon rarely shows up to soccer games. He does it for Nick, so I assumed that his entire focus was on Nick. I always know when Simon is at a game. My eyes spot him so easily. I think I try harder when he’s there.

“I like that you’re not afraid to make eye-contact with people.” That’s true in general, but that’s especially true tonight. Simon is holding every eye contact tonight, longer than socially necessary, and it feels like he’s truly looking at me. I know he does that with everybody, but it makes me feel special.

“I like how humble you are about everything. You never gloat about your grades, or soccer, or... just being awesome in general.” That sentence just shoots through my heart. Not only the fact that he would translate 'shy and awkward' by 'humble', but also the fact that he thinks of me as 'awesome'. His word. I know people don't really use it like that anymore, but it means 'prompt to inspire awe'. That is quite a compliment - even if it isn't exactly what he meant.

“I like your moon-grey eyes,” I say, almost against my will. Was that too far? Simon seems surprised, but not unhappy about it. It almost feels like we’re on the verge of something. But the owner arrives with the desserts – yes, plural, he also brought ice-cream, because apparently you can’t have his grandma’s cake without ice-cream – and the moment is gone.

The owner is really unhappy about us splitting the check. Apparently, it’s not how it’s done. He tells us to sort ourselves before next time. I wouldn’t mind paying if that meant I could have another date with Simon.

But it’s not like it’s happening ever again.

  * **Step 8: Don’t let the evening end too early. After dinner, go for a walk. Around the block will do, but remember, the more romantic the better!**



There is a nice parc a couple of blocks down, so that’s where we end up for the eighth step. We walk like people who are just keeping their bodies busy, trying to make the moment last. We move slowly, hands in our pockets, talking.

We go around the parc twice, and there is a moment of hesitation. Is a third time too much? Should we call it a night? So I decide to keep moving, extending the evening for one more lap, using the ninth step as an excuse.

  * **Step 9: Let yourself be true and vulnerable. Tell the other person something you have never told anyone else.**



This one is difficult. I want to be honest with Simon, but it’s hard to find something that I haven’t already told Jacques or Garrett. Then I think about how my mom talked to me about this date, and how I was truthful with it. I don’t think that conversation could have happened with my father. Or even with my father in the room. “I don’t think my father loves me as much as my mother does.” We are quiet for a few steps after that. I don’t know how to carry on. How to put words on that feeling that I have been having for a long time now. “I know he loves me, but… I also don’t feel like he really knows me. In which case… does he love me, or does he love the boy he thinks I am?”

“I don’t think my father knows me either,” Simon replies, and I can see on his face that he means it. He seems lost in a memory. “But I know he loves me, and I know he would love the parts of me he doesn’t know about.”

“It just sucks that they aren’t interested enough to know they’re there,” I say. He nods. He gets it. We both shared, and there is something nice about having shared the same feeling. I offer him a way out of the ninth step. But he replies: “No, I want to. No cheating, right?”

“Sure.’ It makes me glad, in fact, that Simon wouldn’t take the easy way out. That he takes this date, whatever it actually is, seriously.

He seems lost in his thoughts for a long time, and I don’t know if it is because he doesn’t really have secrets from his friends, or if it is because he is trying to find something that wouldn’t be too personal.

“When I was twelve, my grandfather got pneumonia and he was sent to the hospital. We went to see him, and he had a tube in his throat. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, but his eyes were so alive, and expressive. They showed joy when we came in, but after that, they mainly showed pain. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever seen. That night, I remember talking to a God I don’t think I believe in, and telling him that he should just make my grandfather die. That it would be the easy way out for everybody. I was just scared about having to go back, you know? He died during the night. My brain… my brain knows that it’s not my fault, that it’s not on me… My heart, however, is not so sure. And even if it’s not connected, I still had these awful thoughts, and…”

I take his wrist. I am not making a move, it just feels like he needs some sort of physical contact, or connection with someone. He needs to stop spiraling. He lets out a sigh, and I think he needed that.

“You were a child, Simon. And you’re a human being. As such, we do not cope well with death, illness, fear and the unknown. Yes, it was an awful thought, but I don’t believe that you actually wanted your grandfather to die. You were just being human, and you had a moment of panic. We all do. It’s never pretty, but it happens.”

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“Thank you for trusting me with that,” I reply just as low.

  * **Step 10: Take the other person home. Not only does that prolong the evening, but it also shows that you care about the other person’s wellbeing and it can lead to the next step.**



I drive Simon home, and that should be the end of that. But I am not ready to let tonight end. It was one of the best nights of my life. So I park, switch off the engine, and walk Simon to his door. He doesn’t complain about it or looks at me funny.

In fact, when we reach his front door, he doesn’t reach for his keys. He stops and looks at me like he doesn’t know how to end this. How to say goodbye. I think that if he didn’t care, he would just say ‘See you Monday’ and get inside.

It’s getting harder to remember that the only reason he is here with me is because of an article Anna read. Perhaps, like me, it is the reason why he came, but it isn’t why he stayed? Perhaps there is something gay about Simon Spier, and that something liked me back tonight?

Would that be possible?

  * **Step 11: The goodnight kiss. If the evening went well, you might go for the kiss. But remember, it’s about the moment as much as the person, and you can’t force any of them. It is equally romantic to wait until date number two.**



“Okay, well, obviously, we can skip that one,” Simon says, and I know he is talking about the eleventh step. The one we are not supposed to do. My eyes fall on his lips. I don’t think I have never been more tempted by anything before.

If I kiss him and it backfires, could I hide behind the article?

I take a step forward, close my eyes, and it sort of feels like our lips meet too soon. As if he leaned in as well.

I have seen movies. I have read books. But the real deal is nothing like fiction. It is a bit messy, I know it is fake, and it is confusing, but it is still the most intense moment of my life. Mainly because Simon is kissing me back. His lips are moving against mine. Is it a reflex, or did he want me to kiss him? I can feel my heart beating in my lips whenever they touch Simon’s.

I am about to cup his face when he jumps back. It isn’t a metaphor, he properly _jumped_ back.

So, I guess he did not want me to kiss him. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I could laugh it off, make a joke about the article… anything that would take back me coming out to my straight crush by kissing him.

But I am back to where I was before tonight: a shy little nerd, incapable of forming sentences in front of Simon Spier.

I leave before he can speak. I leave before I have a breakdown.

I get home, and my mom is watching TV. I sit next to her on the couch, and she asks me: “So, how was your evening?”

“Great.” And it was. A dream come true until I blew it. She can probably tell that it is not the whole truth, but she doesn’t comment. I snuggle against her like when I was a child, and she holds me tight.

“That bad?”

“Please don’t tell me ‘I told you so’.”

“It didn’t even cross my mind, Baby.”

I have trouble sleeping that night. My mind keeps jumping between three things.

The first one is the kiss, and how amazing it felt. How I would give anything I own to be able to kiss Simon Spier again. I know it wasn’t just because he is a boy, I know it’s because it’s him. It was months of crushing on him silently, and a sweet fake date leading to an amazing first kiss. It was perfect when it lasted.

But it didn’t last, and that’s the second thing I am constantly reliving. His face when he jerked away from me. Which is a crushing reality. He didn’t just break the kiss, he fled from it. My first kiss was fake, after all. Worst, it made the other party uncomfortable. I couldn’t picture a worst scenario if I tried.

Which leads me to the third thing that keeps growing in my mind, and which terrifies me. I am almost positive that Simon is not that kind of person, but… could he out me at school? Or even to someone at the lunch table?

I don’t know what I should do. Should we wait until Monday, and hope that we can pretend that nothing happened? Go back to the way it was? Bet we are supposed to debrief on Monday. Maybe it would be better if I knew what he is planning to say. How much telling the truth, how much hiding, and how much lying?

I could talk about it with Jacques, but I can’t. I am not brave enough to tell him that I had this moment with someone that is not him, and I am not honest enough to tell him that although I don’t want him less than yesterday, right now, if I could choose, I would choose Simon.

Hate is a strong word. I rarely use it. But I hate that stupid article. I hate that trashy magazine. I hate Anna for reading it and mentioning it at the lunch table. And most importantly, I hate that the article was right.

I don’t know if I’m in love with Simon, but I’m not very far. It’s more than a crush now. Much more. Because of one freaking date.

  * **Step 12: Call. If the date went well, there is no reason to delay calling.**



It takes me until Sunday morning to get to the twelfth step. I’m sure they had something other than apologizing for an awkward kiss and begging to not be outed to the world when they wrote the article, but how wrong our perfect date ended.

As the phone rings, my heart seems to be trying all sorts of beats. Please don’t let it go to voicemail. Then again, that would be the perfect excuse to postpone it.

But Simon does pick up. “Hi.” He sounds nervous.

“Hi, Simon, it’s Bram. Greenfeld.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m pretty sure you’re the only Bram I know.”

I feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. “So… uhm… I was thinking that we should talk. About… what happened on Friday. Before school.” I don’t think I’ve ever been that little eloquent before.

“Sure.”

“Maybe not on the phone, though.”

“Do you want to come over? Or I could come to your house?”

“No, I can come, that’s fine. I can be there in twenty minutes.”

“That works for me.”

I get to his house twenty minutes later, and this time it’s not because I waited in my car like a scared child. I just know how long the drive to his house is, now. Not that this piece of information will ever get useful again. “Simon, I’m sorry about Friday. Kissing you, I mean. It was out of place, and inappropriate. I would appreciate it if you kept it between us.”

“Bram… I kissed you too.”

Oh. Wait, really? “I was pretty sure that I imagined that. I mainly remember you jumping back.”

“Yeah, I…”

“You aren’t gay. I get it. I…”

“No, I am.”

“Sorry?”

“I am gay.”

“Oh.”

Simon Spier is gay? As in… I might actually possibly have a shot with the boy I’ve been pining over for months? I know that him being gay doesn’t mean that he likes me, but I think it means that I can be truthful with him. “Friday, I… some moments felt real. Like a real date. Was that just me? Was that in my head?” Simon shakes his head and a beacon of hope lights in my chest. But then… “Why did you break the kiss?”

“I got scared.”

I get that. I truly do. “Are you still scared?” He shakes his head again. I think it’s time for me to be brave. “Can I kiss you again?” He nods.

The kiss isn’t as messy as yesterday, and it feels a million times better. I want this, he wants this. I can ignore my natural nervousness and just enjoy the kiss, and the implication that goes with it. Simon Spier is into me. Probably not as much as me, but enough to want to try something.

I think about cupping his face with my hands, like I wanted to on Friday, but he beats me to it, and instead I do that other thing I always wanted to do. I put my hand on his neck and slide it up slightly, just enough to let my fingers slide in his hair.

I told my mom I would have lunch with her, so we have to end this much sooner than I would have liked.

“What do you want to tell the others tomorrow?” Simon asks. “They will ask about the date.”

“Are you ready to be out?”

“I guess so. But we don’t have to tell them, unless…”

“Unless we’re boyfriends,” I finish.

“Yeah.”

It’s been a date and two kisses, but… I wouldn’t mind making things official now, even if it’s soon. But to be honest, Simon doesn’t really feel like a boyfriend. He still feels like the boy I have a crush on. We need more time. “Then how about this: we just tell them that we had a nice evening. Nothing more. It’s not a lie, but it’s not coming out. Then I take you on another date. Next weekend. A real one. And then we decide if we’re boyfriends. If we’re ready to be out to the school. Together. How does that sound?”

“It’s perfect,” Simon answers. “Actually… would you mind going on the exact same date? I mean… different movie, of course, but… the restaurant, the park, the kiss… I want to relive all of that fully.”

“I would love to get that date for real too.”

When I get home, I have an email from Jacques. I am not ready to read it. I need to sort that kiss with Simon in my head first. I am not letting go of Simon. I want to pursue it, and I want a shot at being his boyfriend.

Which means that I need to tell Jacques that I might have a boyfriend. If Jacques and I were just friends, he’ll be thrilled for me, and maybe we can even meet in person without me being afraid that things will go wrong. If we were more than friends, that means letting go of Jacques.

And I need at least lunch to get used to that idea.

Jacques’ email is not what I expected. It is almost a mirror of the one I was planning to send. There is still a chance that Jacques isn’t Simon. That Jacques had a date with another boy and that they, too, kissed today.

But it’s extremely unlikely, and I am tired of being safe and afraid.

So I put it out there.

FROM: bluegreen118@gmail.com

TO: hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 14 at 2.22 PM

SUBJECT: Re: I need to tell you something.

Simon,

I was just about to send a very similar email.

But this can’t be a coincidence, can it?

Is it you? Please tell me it’s you.

Love,

Bram.

And then I wait.

And I wait.

And… my phone rings. I pick up as soon as I read Simon’s name. He speaks before I even can. “Bram? I got your email. It is me.”

Suddenly, it feels like the world makes sense. I’m not mad at the world for being gay in a heteronormative world. I’m not afraid of being bullied or to have to face bigger obstacles than other boys. I don’t mind that I had to go through the impossible task of coming out to my parents. Twice. All of that is fine, if that means living this moment, and being so happy.

“I can’t believe it’s you. I can’t believe _this_ is how we meet.”

“I know… I… An hour ago, you were that boy that I was _so_ into, that might or might not become my boyfriend, just for me to realize that you also are kind of my best friend, and someone I was maybe falling for. Sorry if that’s not how you felt, or if it’s too much.”

“Simon, are you kidding me? Before going on that date with you, I only ever imagined becoming Jacques’ boyfriend. But then there was this boy with crazy beautiful eyes from school that kissed me, and it became more complicated.”

“You think I have beautiful eyes?”

“I do.”

“Bram, I… I don’t want to wait until next Friday. I really want to be your boyfriend. I understand if you’re not there yet, but I needed to say that.”

“I’m so glad you feel that way. Waiting until Friday would have been torture.”

“So… we’re boyfriends then?”

“Yeah. I mean… If you’re sure that’s what you want.”

“I’m sure.”

I take a moment to let the words and the reality connected to them sink in. I think he’s doing the same.

“Simon?”

“Yes?”

“How would you feel about going on a different date on Friday? The one we had was great, but… it doesn’t feel fake anymore. It feels like we went on a real date. I mean… I wasn’t sure if you liked me, I was in fact pretty much sure you didn’t, not in a romantic way at least, but… that’s part of first dates, isn’t it? The uncertainty. And it was romantic, and beautiful, and I didn’t lie or hold back, and… I don’t want a redo of it. I want to remember it just as it was.”

“You know what? That sounds perfect.”

I look at my clock. “Do you want to do something this afternoon?”

“I can’t. I already have plans with Leah. But how about I pick you up before school tomorrow? We could have breakfast somewhere, and then we could discuss what we are going to tell at lunch. And maybe kiss a little.”

I laugh.

“I’d love that.”

Isn’t life just perfect?


	2. Nick and Morgan

Yes, the article was fun, but I don’t understand why Anna had to mention it at lunch, why Garrett and Leah had to argue about it, or why everyone seemed so inclined to go on fake dates. We all have lunch together _every day_. What can an evening change?

Plus, I must admit that I’m annoyed. Not necessarily for being drafted with Nick, but for how he reacted. We all _know_ that he wanted a shot at a supposedly magic date with Abby, but he didn’t have to be rude about it.

He’s not going to fall in love with me, I’m not going to fall in love with him, but he could at least have pretended, right?

  * **Step 1: Make an effort. You have to look your best.**



But I am a team player, so I am going to go on this date, I am going to get over the fact that Nick is bitter about not getting Abby, and I am going to have a fun night out with a friend. Sort of a friend.

I’m not going to make too much of an effort, that would be weird for obvious reasons, but I put on a dress and make-up. Good enough.

“Where are you going?” my mother asks as I’m getting my coat.

“I told you yesterday. Dinner with Anna.”

“Oh, right. Have fun!”

“Thanks.”

And I go wait for Nick at the corner of the street. I didn’t want to explain the whole fake-fate thing to my mom, and if she checks, Anna really is out too.

  * **Step 2: Be on time. Showing up late sends the message that you don’t care.**



Nick shows up eighteen minutes left. Given that I was ten minutes early to make sure he wouldn’t show up at my house, I’ve nearly been waiting for half an hour. I was two minutes away from calling it a night.

He pulls over and waves at me so I would get in the car.

“You’re late,” I point out as I close the door.

“Yeah, sorry. I was playing and I lost track of time.”

“Seriously?”

“What? I said sorry.”

He could have called. But I let it slide. It doesn’t matter that much, it’s not like I’m expecting wonders from this evening, and I already know that Nick doesn’t care.

  * **Step 3: Avoid awkward silences. If you are running out of topics, you can always discuss the reasons you are on a date right now.**



The awkward silence settles pretty quickly. I guess we don’t actually have that much in common. I don’t actually remember the last time I spoke directly to Nick. Just him, I mean, and not through the dynamics of the group conversation. It was probably when Anna dated Simon and that when we hang out and Leah wasn’t there it was sort of the two of them, plus Nick and me. Back then, we were friends. Looking back, though, it was circumstances more than anything else.

Let’s follow the stupid article. Let’s discuss why we’re on this date. “Do you think any of the dates are going to be successful? Not ours, clearly, but the other ones?”

“I can’t imagine Bram and Simon, or Abby and Leah falling in love. And Garrett and Anna… I don’t know, I got a weird vibe from Anna.”

I don’t comment on the fact that I got a vibe from Bram, because it’s none of my business until Bram makes it, and I even less tell him that even though it’s clear Leah doesn’t really hold Abby close to her heart, I’m not so sure she’s closed off to girls in general. Because I’m not entirely sure, and because it’s still none of my business. So instead, I say: “What kind of vibe?”

“I don’t know, like… Okay, I know she’s your BFF and that even if you know you won’t tell me, but I thought she was fishing for a date. From Simon.”

I think about it for a minute. She mentioned the article before Simon arrived at lunch, but it did feel like she almost wanted one of us to be like ‘prove it’. I don’t know if she’s into Simon. She never mentioned it. And she wasn’t even that upset when they broke up. But I noticed the looks too. I just didn’t know how to ask her. “Do you think Simon would have wanted that?”

“I don’t know. We never really talk about girls, but… none of them looked that sad when they broke up. It doesn’t matter anyway, because we drafted.” He sounds bitter about it, and it’s getting on my nerves a bit. If he wants to go on a date with Abby, he should just ask her already.

  * **Step 4: Don’t go to dinner straight away. You are trying to build a moment, and you want the night to last. Movie is always a safe option.**



We get to the cinema, and as we’re browsing the films, I spot Simon and Bram getting popcorn. Damn. Bram is hot in a shirt. And that definitely is his color. If that vibe I got from him is real, maybe tonight’s his night.

I think about telling Nick, but I think he’ll be jumping on the opportunity to change this date night into a buddy night and not only do I not want to end up outnumbered, I also think that if there is only a one percent chance that the article will work his magic on Bram and Simon, I shouldn’t crush it.

Nick says that he wants to see the last Marvel movie. I’ve already seen it, but we don’t seem to be able to agree on anything else, so I cave. The movie was good, so I don’t really mind either way.

  * **Step 5: Make light physical contact. Even before dinner, try to engage in some sort of physical contact to demonstrate your interest. It needs to seem natural, so you can start by brushing your arms against his/her ‘accidentally’ and take it from there. The Holy Grail at this point would be hand holding.**



We watch the movie without interacting with each other, and when we leave the cinema, it’s getting a bit awkward, so I think the safest thing to do is debrief on the movie and I ask him what he thought about it.

“It was predictable,” he replies.

“Of course it was! It’s a superhero blockbuster. The point is to be entertaining. But we know they’re going to win. It’s more… what did you think about the stakes, or the CGI, or the actors?”

Nick shrugs. “It was fine. The chick was hot.”

 _The chick was hot_? I mean, I know she was partly cast because of it, but if that’s all the movie has to offer, I don’t think it was worth paying to watch it. Let’s change the subject. “She was. Okay, so what about step five?”

I’m not going to hold hands with Nick, but maybe a quick hug? Instead, he looks at me, a bit puzzled, does that weird thing with his arm as if he doesn’t know what to do with it, and the pats me on the head. Twice.

Seriously, Nick, WTF?

  * **Step 6: Chose the restaurant wisely. It’s a date, don’t go somewhere you would go with your friends. The aim is romantic, not too crowded, and within budget.**



Let’s not dwell on the pet moment. “Okay, step five complete,” I say. “Moving on. Restaurant, any idea?”

“There is a McDonalds down the street.”

That’s when I give up. “Okay, Nick, stop for a moment.”

“What’s up?”

“I know this is a fake date, and everything, but you’re not even trying. You did none of the steps.”

“I did! I’m here, aren’t I?”

“So you would have planned the exact same evening for Abby?”

“What?”

“Look, I know you wanted to do this with her, but there is no need to be a dick about it. If you didn’t want to do this, you could just have texted me and canceled. I thought that we could spend a nice evening with a friend. I’m fine with McDonald's and an action film, really, but… at least have some conversation. I know you’re a nice, interesting guy. I see that every day. But tonight you’re just… you’re a bit of a jerk, actually.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just… I didn’t really want to do this with you, and…”

“And you think I hoped to be drafted with you? I’d rather be here with Anna.”

“Wait… you have a thing for Anna?”

“What? No, you primitive ape. I have a boyfriend. Eight months tomorrow. But if I were here with Anna, at least I’d be having fun, even if she was hoping for someone else too.”

“You have a boyfriend? Who?”

“Aaron Jenkins.”

“You are dating the captain of the basketball team? How did I not know that?”

I sigh. “Really? It’s more surprising to you to be unaware of the basketball captain’s love life than of someone from your lunch table?”

“No, I…”

“It’s fine. Look, let’s just… call it a night, and on Monday we’ll just say that we didn’t fall in love. Okay?”

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.” He looks like he’s feeling bad, but I don’t care anymore. I just want this evening to end.

  * **Step 10: Take the other person home. Not only does that prolong the evening, but it also shows that you care about the other person’s wellbeing and it can lead to the next step.**



“Morgan, wait, I’ll take you home.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll take the bus.”

“Morgan…”

“Nick. It’s fine. It’s safe, I’ll be fine. Plus, we can’t just jump four steps.”

“It’s not about the date. Come on. Let me make it up to you. Be one percent less of a douche.”

It’s actually kind of sweet. “Okay. But can you drop me somewhere else?”

“Anywhere you want. Except out of state. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to just take a minor out of state.”

Okay, this one was a bit funny.

I knock on the door and Aaron appears less than thirty seconds later. His eyebrows jerk up in surprise.

“Hi.”

“Hi, gorgeous. Aren’t you supposed to be spending the evening falling in love with Nick Eisner?”

“Yeah, it didn’t really work out.”

“And yet I’m sure that the science being that article was bulletproof,” he says with an easy smile. “We were just about to eat. My mom made enough lasagne to feed an entire regiment. Have you eaten yet?”

“No, I haven’t.”

He pulls me inside and yells. “Mom, can Morgan join us for dinner?”

“Only if her mom knows where she is!” a voice shouts back from the kitchen.

Damn, she knows me well. I quickly text my mom and I join Aaron’s family.

A bit later, we are on Aaron’s bed, cuddling.

“This experiment won’t be very successful,” he says.

“Why not?”

“It’s all going to be on Garrett and Anna, now.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you saying that there is _no way_ that we could have homosexual students in our school?”

“No. I’m saying that even if they are homosexual, none of them is out. Even if they do get together or whatever, they won’t just tell you on Monday.”

“Why not?”

“Because the entire school isn’t like you. Do you know what they make us do first when we join a sports team? Sign a non-bullying agreement. That doesn’t just come out of nowhere. I make my boys respect it, but most teams just disregard it. Between the real haters and the ones who just make insensitive jokes, I wouldn’t like to have to come out in our school.”

That really upsets me. Is it really as bad as he says?

I’m about to answer when my phone vibrates. “It’s a text from my mom. She wants to know if I’m coming home tonight.”

He shrugs. “Whatever you want, gorgeous.” It used to make me blush, him calling me that, but I’m used to it now. It’s a bit sad, in a way, to grow used to compliments.

“I think I’ll get back home. Today was just… long. I just wanted to see you and finish on a more positive note.”

“Well consider me flattered. Could you send me that dating article?”

“Why?”

“I want to take you on that magic date tomorrow. For our eight-months-versary.”

“That’s not a thing.”

“It could be. Why do years like other people? We could go in eights. We’d have an eight-months-versary, a sixteen-months-versary, a twenty-four…”

“Yeah, I know how to count,” I interrupt him with a smile.

“So? Date? Tomorrow? You and me?”

“Sure. Sounds nice.” It’s at least going to be nicer than with Nick. “But apparently it doesn’t work that well.”

“I have a big advantage, though. You’re already in love with me.”

“Am I?”

He gives me a look that says: ‘Who are you kidding?’

No one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was shorter, but then again so was the date.
> 
> Next one will be Anna and Garrett. Any POV preference?


	3. Garrett and Anna

This whole story is freaking me out a bit. Not the part about falling in love. Not only am I not afraid of falling in love, but I also don’t think that’s possible. I can picture making someone who’s already into you fall in love in one date, but I can’t see two strangers falling in love following such basic steps. If that was the recipe for love, divorce wouldn’t even be a thing. No, the reason I’m freaked out is because I told Anna I would plan the date. It was sort of a joke, as in ‘I’m the man, I should plan it’, and I expected her to fight it back, like Leah would have, but she just smiled and said okay. Now, if the evening is a disaster, it’s entirely on me.

Not that she has expectations about tonight. I mean… we’ve all seen the looks she gave Spier during the drafts. I remember being slightly annoyed. Not for me, I don’t mind being second best to Spier in the eyes of a girl I must admit I don’t particularly pay attention to, but for Bram. Because Anna was definitely not the only one giving Spier looks.

And as much as I like Anna, I’m team Bram all the way. Let’s just hope that Spier is more a tame Bram kind of person than a team Anna kind of person.

I think I’m getting lost in that metaphor.

I think I should focus on the date. It was Anna who set this whole thing up to begin with, and I think she has some faith in the article. I don’t believe we’ll fall in love, but I’d like her to have a good evening.

  * **Step 1: Make an effort. You have to look your best.**



I am not the sexy one. That’s Bram. But I clean up okay when I want to. Usually. Today, I’m not sure. I’m on my third outfit, and it’s starting to look like I’m working on a bad makeover montage for a TV film.

The thing is, I don’t know what Anna likes.

When I leave home, I’m just wearing dark blue jeans, a black shirt, and a splash of the perfume my dad got me for my birthday. At least, it’s an improvement from school.

  * **Step 2: Be on time. Showing up late sends the message that you don’t care.**



I am there ten minutes early. I ring the doorbell, and a lady with sparkly eyes and a warm smile opens the door.

“Good evening! You must be Garrett!”

“Good evening! Yes, I am. Is Anna ready?”

“Not yet. She is a bit of a cliché like that. But please, come on in!” She has a southern accent. Louisiana, maybe?

A tall, bold, middle-eastern looking man walks in. He is built like a bodyguard and he would be terrifying if he didn’t have a gentle smile on his face. “Garrett, right? Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, sir.”

“So. Anna told me all about your date. I didn’t understand a thing. All I know is that the two of you are friends, but if some article is right, you’ll come back practically engaged.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Anna’s mother says. “He thinks he is very funny.”

Probably like all fathers. Except for Bram’s. I met that one and he _did not_ make jokes. “There will be no engagement tonight, sir.”

“Why? Is my Anna not good enough for you?”

“She is more than good enough. I’m afraid I’m not a good enough suitor.”

He laughs. That’s a win. It’s always good to have the parents like you. “I like you,” he confirms. “But, seriously, no funny business.”

“I wouldn’t think of it.” It’s a first date, and it’s not even a real one. I very much doubt that second base on the backseat of my car is on the list of possibilities.

I hear footsteps and I turn around. I lose my train of thoughts for a second. Anna is adorable. She is wearing a white dress with a black belt made of a fabric I couldn’t name, and her hair is different than I’m used to. She is wearing make-up, but the kind that makes her look healthy, not slutty.

“Hi,” she says, shyly.

“Hi. You look very pretty.” ‘Pretty’ seems like a safe word. Not strong enough that her dad would think I’m sexualizing her, not weak enough that she would think I don’t mean it.

“Thanks. Mom, Dad, see you later.”

“Have fun, both of you.”

We leave her house at the exact time we were supposed to.

  * **Step 3: Avoid awkward silences. If you are running out of topics, you can always discuss the reasons you are on a date right now.**



“So what have you planned?” she asks as soon as we get in the car.

“Don’t you want a step by step surprise?”

“Are they going to be good surprises?”

“I really hope so.”

“Fine. I can do surprises and see what you did plan for us, since ‘you’re the man’.”

“You know it was a joke, right?”

“I know. But I sort of wanted to be taken out on a date more than planning a date, so I went for the gender bias. At least this one worked in my favor.”

“Alright, then. I hope I planned something up to your expectations.”

“Tonight’s expectations are falling in love,” she reminds me.

“Fair enough. Close enough to your expectations, then?”

“I’ll let you know,” she replies with an easy smile.

“Your article… Do you really think it works?”

“I don’t know,” she admits. “But it’s nice to let yourself dream, isn’t it?”

“I guess. I don’t know. Imagine we fall in love tonight. It would be sad to think that it’s because we followed twelve steps.”

“You read the article, didn’t you?”

“I did.”

“Then you know that the steps are ridiculously basic. It’s not about that. It’s about keeping your mind open to the possibility.”

“Oh? Is your mind open to the possibility of you and me?” I ask. She scrunches her nose, which is apparently a sign that she is uncomfortable, but is also insanely cute.

“I’m not closed off to it,” she answers. Luckily, we are waiting for a light to go green, because for a second, I am not focusing on anything but her sentence.

“Really?”

“Do I believe that we are going to fall in love? No. Would I fight it if we do? No.”

“Fair enough. Let’s do that.”

  * **Step 4: Don’t go to dinner straight away. You are trying to build a moment, and you want the night to last. Movie is always a safe option.**



As the perfect gentleman that Hollywood raised me to be, I open the car door for her. She has a half-pleased, half-embarrassed smile.

“Where are we?” she asks as I lock the car.

“I thought that movie was a bit too conventional. So I went for something different. Is that alright?”

“Depends on the back-up plan,” she answers, but she doesn’t seem upset, she seems genuinely intrigued.

I took her to the planetarium. They currently have a show “through the stars” which is supposed to be educational (I mean… it is a planetarium), but also beautiful. I thought it would be more romantic than a movie. Even a romance one.

For a moment, I am nervous that it was a bad move. But Anna seems pleased and interested. As soon as the show starts, I know it was a good idea. The music is very soothing, the astronomer is very interesting, and the pictures are breath-taking.

At some point, I try asking Anna if she’s enjoying it, but she shushes me. I guess it’s a yes.

  * **Step 5: Make light physical contact. Even before dinner, try to engage in some sort of physical contact to demonstrate your interest. It needs to seem natural, so you can start by brushing your arms against his/her ‘accidentally’ and take it from there. The Holy Grail at this point would be hand holding.**



The show is nearly over when Anna puts her head on my shoulder.

“What are you doing?” I whisper, slightly confused.

“Step five,” she whispers back.

The Holy Grail is supposed to be hand-holding, but if this was a real date, that would be much better than hand-holding. I wrap my arm around her shoulders, and she lets me. It feels nice. It feels very nice.

Nothing I have planned for tonight is going to beat her spontaneous gesture, but I’m fine with that.

We stay like this until the lights are back on.

  * **Step 6: Chose the restaurant wisely. It’s a date, don’t go somewhere you would go with your friends. The aim is romantic, not too crowded, and within budget.**



I take Anna to a fancy restaurant in Atlanta. She stops me before we go in. “Garrett, we can’t go in there.”

“Why not?”

“It says ‘within budget’. That is not in my budget.”

“Don’t worry about that.”

“But I do. You paid for the planetarium, I can’t let you pay for dinner too. Especially here!”

“I train a children's soccer team. The chef’s son is in it. I asked him for advice on where to take you tonight, and he said his restaurant was the best in town. I told him exactly what you just said, that two junior students wouldn’t be able to afford his cooking, but he said it was on him.”

“Oh, wow. Really?”

“I’m good with kids,” I answer. That team is terrible in terms of abilities, but they try so hard it makes my heart swell. I make sure that they have fun every week and that they leave the field with a smile on their tiny faces. I think parents appreciate that. Obviously, I don’t tell Anna that much.

She hesitates again, scrunching her nose. “What?” I ask softly.

“I didn’t tell you because it didn’t even cross my mind, but I’m a vegetarian.”

I let my face fall down in shock. “What? But how are we going to eat? I’m sure they never even heard of someone like you. How dare you even eat in public?” She lets out a happy laugh and puts her hand on my mouth to make me stop talking.

“Alright, alright. Let’s go eat.”

  * **Step 7: During dinner, try to mention five things you like about the other person. Be real, avoid the clichés and don’t try to over-do it.**



“The food is amazing,” Anna says halfway through the second course.

“I would say thank you, but I have nothing to do with it.”

She smiles and replies, “You did make it happen.”

“If we’re going that way, you brought the article to school. So this is your doing more than anyone else’s.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “You’re not very good with compliments, are you?”

“Let’s do step seven,” I say because I have no idea how to answer her question. “Should we just make lists?”

“Sure.”

“Alright. I like that you are active in the life of the community. You’re always busy at the nursing home, or the elementary school doing bake sales and stuff, and I think that’s great. I like that you speak four languages but never brag about it. I like that even though you broke up, you never have a mean word about Simon. I like the sound of your laugh. It’s very clear and happy. I like the way you scrunch your nose when you’re embarrassed.”

She does it just as I say that. She seems to realize and tries to stop, only to end up doing it even more. She breaks eye contact and looks through the window. “Stop looking at me!”

I laugh, but I look at my plate. I only look at her again when she starts talking. “I like how kind you are. You are always paying attention to people and I’ve seen you have kind words to random people just because they weren’t smiling. I like your friendship with Bram. He never really talks, but he opens up to you. I think it says a lot about you. I like how funny you are. I wish I were able to make more jokes, but I’m too self-conscious. I like how enthusiast you are about everything all the time. I like how comfortable I feel tonight.”

I am a little embarrassed after her list, so I make it about her again. “You know, I’m not particularly funny. I just have no filter. When you think something that could be funny, just say it even if you feel like it’s not something you would usually say, and then you can decide if it’s you or not. If it’s not, just never make that kind of jokes again.”

“What if I sound ridiculous?”

“It’s better to sound ridiculous once than to fear what people think forever.”

“That’s deep.”

“I’m pretty sure I read that in a fortune cookie.” She laughs. I was right. I really like that sound.

  * **Step 8: Don’t let the evening end too early. After dinner, go for a walk. Around the block will do, but remember, the more romantic the better!**



We are taking a walk through a public garden and, for some reason, we end up talking about clothes.

“I found it very difficult to dress for tonight,” I say.

She stops and looks at me. “Take off your coat.”

“What?”

“Well I can’t inspect your outfit if you’re wearing your coat, can I?” She cannot. I obediently take off my coat and put it on a bench next to where we stop.

“The shoes are fine,” she analyses. “The jean is a classic and the cut is good. The shirt is a classic, but the way you wear it might be a little formal for high school.”

“Are you telling me that I don’t know how to wear a shirt?”

“Pretty much. Okay, do you trust me?”

“I guess so.”

She opens the buttons on my right sleeves and rolls it halfway up. She does the same with the other one. Then she asks, “are you wearing something under your shirt?”

“Wouldn’t you like to find out?” Her eyes say ‘come on, be serious’, but her lips are smiling. “Yes, I am,” I finally answer.

She starts unbuttoning my shirt. Completely. Then she pulls on my T-shirt to untuck it. As she is doing that, I vaguely notice that my mind is preparing a few ‘girl is undressing boy’ jokes, but I ignore it. What she’s doing isn’t sexy or flirtatious. It is cute and endearing.

“See? That’s much better. For most people, I would just make them open a few more buttons than you did, but fully open is more relaxed, and it’s more you.”

“Are you calling me informal? Should I be offended?”

“Formal is boring,” she simply answers. “Oh, and the hair.” She runs her fingers through my hair and messes it up slightly. She is smaller than me, so she is on her tiptoes, and when she comes down, it causes her hand to brush my face. My stomach does this weird thing that it has never done before. She doesn’t seem to notice, and she smiles before saying. “There we go. From good-looking all the way to hot in less than a minute!”

“Why, thank you. I’m sure all the ladies are very grateful.”

“And you know, since you’re a soccer player, if you need an extra incentive, you can always lift your T-shirt and show off your abs.”

“Is that your first mindless joke?”

“Maybe.”

“Well consider me impressed, because it was funny.”

She looks very pleased with herself.

  * **Step 9: Let yourself be true and vulnerable. Tell the other person something you have never told anyone else.**



“Come on, let’s lie on the grass. Let’s look at the real stars while doing step nine.”

“Your dress is white.”

“Don’t be a buzzkill, Laughlin.”

I don’t think anyone ever called me a buzzkill, so I follow her lead and we both lie on the grass. We can’t really see that many stars because of the light pollution, but it’s still a sweet call back to how the date started.

My mind gets lost in the memory of her head on my shoulder for a moment. Then she says: “So… step nine.”

“This seems like a big one. Should we take steps.”

“Steps?”

“Yeah, like… we tell a small secret that some people know, a medium secret that really few people know, and if we feel like it, we move on to the big secret that nobody else knows.”

“So I have to tell you three secrets?”

“Yeah, I’m greedy like that.”

“Okay, fine. You started the other one, so I’ll do this one. So my little secret is… I’m not wearing tights because it’s cold, but because I’m overdue on waxing my legs.” She said it with confidence, but she scrunches her nose again. It makes me laugh. “Is it gross?”

“No. Actually, I’m overdue on my waxing too.” She has this sweet, spontaneous high-pitch laugh.

“Yeah, well, that doesn’t count as your secret.”

“Not even the small one?”

“Nope. Everyone who went to your last game knows that.”

“Fair enough. Then my little secret is… I have a low-key crush on Mrs. Jones.”

“The history teacher?”

“Yeah. She’s cute, right?”

“I guess. I never thought about it. What sort of crush are we talking about?”

“It’s definitely not strong enough to ever become a thing, even if it were a possibility. That would weird me out. It’s only nice in the privacy of my mind. But it’s strong enough that I turned all my papers on time.”

“Wow. True love, then?”

“Something like that.”

She laughs, and I am very surprised about how easy things are with her. She’s funny, she’s cute, she finds _me_ funny, she’s interesting. Is it just me, or is she feeling it too?

“Okay. Time for my medium secret,” she says. Her face gets serious. “I wanted to go on this date with Simon.” This one burns, and that has nothing to do with Bram.

“Why?”

“Because he’s safe and familiar.”

“What?”

“Have you seen Morgan and Aaron together?”

“Yes.”

“I wanted that. She looks so relaxed when he’s around, and so happy when she talks about him. I thought for a moment that if I could just get a boyfriend, I would experience the same things. Simon was there, and he was nice when we dated. We never had sparks, but I thought it could be different this time.”

“You’re talking in the past.”

“Because I realized it’s stupid. You can’t force feelings to exist, and Simon and I broke up for a reason. I don’t want a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. I want what Morgan has.”

“So you’re going to kill her and steal her boyfriend?”

Thank God she laughs at that lame joke. “No, silly. Instead of choosing a boy and try to make feelings happen, I’ll do things in the right order and try to get the boy when the feelings exist. You know… butterflies and stuff.”

“Sounds wiser.”

“Probably. Okay, so what’s your medium secret?”

“I wanted to come on the date with Spier too.” She punches my shoulder. “Ouch. You’re strong for someone that tiny!”

“Come on, Garrett! Medium secret!”

“Argh, fine. I lost my virginity at soccer camp.”

The upper half of her body jerks up in surprise. “With a boy?”

“What? No. It’s a mixed camp.”

She lies back down. “It’s far less interesting,” she comments.

“Sorry about my lame secrets.”

“How was it?”

I sigh. “I don’t know. I mean… it was fine. She was very pretty, it was her first time too and it was fun, discovering everything together. I don’t think I was really good, though. It’s a nice memory, but sometimes, I sort of wish I didn’t have this massive step with someone I would never see again.”

“Pussy.” That surprises me so much that my head snaps towards her so fast that I hurt my neck. She looks mortified. “Sorry. I tried something, like we said, but it really didn’t feel right! I’m sorry. Did I offend you? You were sharing, and I just…”

“Don’t worry. It was kind of funny, just… unexpected. I never pictured you for someone who makes sexist jokes.”

“I don’t think I am. I feel soiled. I’m sorry!”

“Stop apologizing. Actually, since you ruined my medium secret, give me your big one.”

She is quiet for a long time. I almost think that she’s going to say that two secrets should be enough and that we should get going. But instead, she says: “My father is getting out of jail next week.”

“Oh. I didn’t know.”

“No one knows. Not even Morgan. Everybody thinks that Phil is my father. And he is. He practically raised me. I call him Dad and I mean it. He’s just not my birth father. I don’t know how people don’t notice. We don’t really look alike.”

“I look nothing like my parents. I look like my siblings though, and I can’t believe that the hospital would swap that many babies.”

She has a soft smile. “He wants to meet me.”

“What do you want?”

“He was arrested for drug trafficking. He was supposed to be released ages ago, but he got extra time twice for beating up other inmates. My mother thinks that he is too violent to be trusted.”

“That wasn’t my question.”

“I think I want to see him. Hear his story from him. Give him a bit of time to adjust to the life outside, and see the kind of man he is out of the prison world. He won’t ever be my dad, but maybe he can still be something in my life.”

“Have you told that to your mother?”

“I don’t know how.”

“Just tell her what you told me. It sounds pretty reasonable.”

“Would you mind being there?”

“When you meet your dad?”

“No. I can’t ask that of you. When I talk to my mom.”

“Sure.”

She has a happy smile, and then she scrunches her nose and blushes ever so slightly.

“What?”

“Nothing. Your turn. What’s your big secret that no one knows about?”

I look at her and I know what the secret is. I know I can’t tell her. I do anyway. “I think the article is working.”

She is just staring at me. She doesn’t run away, she doesn’t smile, she doesn’t speak… it almost seems like she is not reacting. But my heart is beating incredibly fast, because her hand found mine on the grass.

  * **Step 10: Take the other person home. Not only does that prolong the evening, but it also shows that you care about the other person’s wellbeing and it can lead to the next step.**



We hold hands all the way to my car, still not talking. I’m afraid that if I say something, it will break the moment. I don’t know what she’s thinking.

We are quiet during the entire drive.

I stop in her driveway, and once more, I open the car door for her. This time, I offer her my hand to help her out and she doesn’t hesitate before taking it. I take a step toward the house, but she pulls me in the other direction.

“Here, we can’t be seen from the street or the house,” she says. “That’s where my brother used to smoke, before he left for university.”

“You’re showing me this in case I need a smoking hideout?”

“I want to do the next step.”

  * **Step 11: The goodnight kiss. If the evening went well, you might go for the kiss. But remember, it’s about the moment as much as the person, and you can’t force any of them. It is equally romantic to wait until date number two.**



I know she mentioned the step, but there is something in the way she looks at me that tells me that we are not really following the article anymore. If we kiss now, it will be for us, not for the sake of a list.

I am very nervous. I have kissed girls before. I just never felt like I _had to_ make it right.

She is standing right in front of me, looking at me with her big eyes, looking uncertain, as if I could refuse what she just asked.

I put my hands on her cheeks, I lean in, and we kiss. It’s soft and careful at first, but then she pushes on her legs to stand on her tip-toes, my arms wrap around her body, holding her tight against me, her hands are in my hair, the kiss deepens, and I lose myself in the moment.

Yes, like in the Eminem song. My palms are sweaty, my knees are weak, and my arms are heavy. Luckily, unlike the song, there isn’t vomit on my sweater.

The un-classy part of me really wants to ask her if she wants to go make out in my car for a bit. But this doesn’t fit with a first date. It doesn’t fit with Anna. It doesn’t fit with who I want to be for her.

We break the kiss for air, and I gently let go of her as she grounds herself back. I softly rub my finger on her cheek, trace the relief of her lips, before taking her hand again.

“What are you going to do with me?” she asks.

“What do you want me to do with you?”

“I want you to make every day as magical as tonight,” she replies. She said that without blushing, without hesitation. It scares me a bit. Can I do that? Can I sustain the fairy tale long term?

“Anna… are you sure that you want me? Or do you want a perfect twelve-steps-date that never ends?”

“I want more time with the boy that took me to the stars and made me feel safe enough to tell him about my father.” That sounds more achievable. “Why? Don’t you want to try?”

“I absolutely do. But I don’t want you to be disappointed when the magic of tonight is gone and there is just me left.”

“What are you saying?”

“Let’s sleep on it. We can decide on Monday if we want us to become a thing.”

“Can I still text you this weekend?”

“Of course! Even if you decide that you want to stay friends, you can always text me! Even if you decide that we end tonight, I will still stand with you when you talk to your mom. It’s not all or nothing.”

Something shines in her eyes, and she kisses me again.

I really, _really_ hope that she won’t change her mind about me after the date.

  * **Step 12: Call. If the date went well, there is no reason to delay calling.**



As soon as I get home, I get a text from Anna.

_Thank you for the best evening I could have asked for._

_I feel like I should be the one thanking you._

_I even feel bad for the others._

_?_

_There is no way their dates went better than ours._

_Maybe Nick and Morgan’s did and Aaron will have to challenge Nick to a duel._

_Or he’ll just be heartbroken and you’ll have your shot at the perfect boyfriend._

_No, I’m pretty sure I found that already._

I mean…

Straight to the heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Leah and Abby (obviously). Which POV would you prefer?


	4. Abby and Leah

Nick and Leah didn’t seem to please about tonight, but I actually think it’s going to be fun. I’d really like to see if I can fall in love with Leah in just one date. That would be something, wouldn’t it?

Plus, things worked out perfectly. Not for everyone, but for Simon. He’s getting on a date with a boy. Bram is really cute and I am sure that he is Simon’s type. I don’t know if Bram is gay, but the article is supposed to be magic, right?

If the article really is magic, that means that I will fall in love with Leah before the end of the evening. That’s unlikely. But if it would stop that hot and cold vibe between us, that would be a massive step. That would be enough for me to decide that the article really is magic.

  * **Step 1: Make an effort. You have to look your best.**



Half of my closet is already on my bed. Why is dressing for a fake date more complicated than for a real one? Am I being a stereotypical girl here? Will Leah even care?

In the end, I decide to go for the classic ‘little black dress’. I sort my hair and put some makeup on. More than I would for school. I don’t know if I look ‘my best’, but I definitely made an effort.

  * **Step 2: Be on time. Showing up late sends the message that you don’t care.**



Leah refused to let me pick her up. I don’t really know her story, but I think there is a money situation and that she is embarrassed about it. I would like to tell her that I truly don’t mind, that I won’t judge her or her family for it, but I don’t know how to say that without sounding patronizing. Or to make her feel like I’m prying.

Leah… I don’t think Leah likes me that much. And there is nothing worse than someone we don’t like sticks their nose into our business.

So she is the one who picks me up. She is right on time. It’s good that she respected step two, because she clearly didn’t do anything about the first step. She is wearing the exact same clothes she was today in school.

“You look nice,” she says as she walks in.

“Thanks. You look… like you.”

She shoots me a stern look before apparently realizing that I didn’t mean it in a pejorative way. “I was considering not coming. But then it was a bit late to let you know, and it was too late to change as well.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why didn’t you want to come?”

“Because the entire thing is a waste of time. We are not spending time together because we want to, but because Laughlin picked our names out of his pencil case. I’m pretty sure we both know that no one is falling in love tonight.”

“Someone, somewhere, is falling in love tonight.”

“You know what I meant.”

“I do, but you have a terrible attitude regarding all of this, so I’m changing your perspective. Look, Leah… we’ve never spent time together. We can change that tonight. I think we can get along better than you are letting us.” Leah doesn’t look hostile anymore, so I push my luck. “How I see things, we have three steps to cross tonight. Number one, we’re going to move from friendly to friends. Number two, I’m going to make you give up that cynicism about love that you always wave like a shield. Number three, we are going to fall in love. We probably won’t make it three steps, but even if we take one, that’s great, right?”

“Let’s call them doors.”

“What?”

“If we have your steps, plus the article steps, it’s confusing. The article gets to keep the steps, you get doors.”

“Fine.” At least she seems to be in. She’s even smiling.

  * **Step 3: Avoid awkward silences. If you are running out of topics, you can always discuss the reasons you are on a date right now.**



“Where are you taking me?” I ask as we leave my apartment.

“I had an idea. It’s probably stupid.”

“It’s probably not.”

Leah frowns and looks at me as if she were trying to assess if I’m being sarcastic. I’m not. If she ‘had an idea’, it means that we’re not just going to the cinema. I’m very excited to try something different, no matter what it is.

“You can decide that after you know what it is,” she comments. “Otherwise it’s not true.”

“Or it’s faith. If you think it’s good enough, it’s probably good enough.”

“Are you always that… optimistic?”

“I think I am, yes. I guess you’re not.”

“If you prepare for the worst, or even if you don’t have expectations, then you’re not disappointed.”

“Leah… do you ever let your guard down and just… enjoy?”

“Sometimes,” she replies after a pause. “Anyway, you know how the steps are saying that the restaurant should be within budget?”

“Yes.”

“I was thinking that everything should be within budget. In my opinion, a date is nothing but a glorified mating ritual. You shouldn’t have to spend a lot of money to do a lot of aseptic activities in order to complete it.”

“You’re a romantic, then?” At least it gets me a smile. “So… no movie, I guess?”

“Oh, no, we’re going to watch a movie. There is a community center in this neighborhood. Every Friday evening, depending on the weather, they get out a big projector in their courtyard, and they show a movie on their wall. It’s open to children and teens. It’s a dollar to watch the movie and two dollars with snacks. Mostly, it’s just good fun.”

“How did I not know about that?”

Leah shrugs. “It’s the kind of thing that no one seems to know about. It’s not as cool as going to the actual cinema for most people. But I love it there.”

It sounds great. It’s going to be different. More personal too, if Leah is sharing with me something she does regularly. “See? I knew it wasn’t going to be a stupid idea.”

A smile. I swear the thing on her face right now is a smile.

  * **Step 4: Don’t go to dinner straight away. You are trying to build a moment, and you want the night to last. Movie is always a safe option.**



Honestly, how did I not know about this place? Not only it was roughly a ten-minute walk from my house, but it also looks so fun. Everyone here seems to know each other. Out of the thirty kids here, I only spot one boy who is a sophomore in our school.

Leah pays the four dollars for the movie and the snacks. She gets homemade popcorn, and I get a homemade brownie. Where else in the world does anyone hands you homemade goods for a dollar? I’m loving this so far.

Some parents came as well, but apparently, they are not allowed in the courtyard. They are sent inside to get coffee or whatever. It seems to be a good moment for them to socialize as well.

Leah didn’t lie. This is truly a community center.

“What do they do the rest of the time?” I ask her.

She shrugs. “Mostly things for children. Like… arts and crafts, homework club, board game nights. That kind of stuff. I used to spend time here when we were children and Nick and Simon were busy. I have a single mom, so she works a lot.”

“I know what you mean. My mom isn’t a single mom, but since my dad and my brother are still in DC, it feels like it sometimes.”

The courtyard is great. We can choose if we sit on armchairs, benches, chairs, beanbags, the floor… I drag Leah to a loveseat because, come on, how appropriate is that? “What are we watching?” I ask her as we sit down?”

“I don’t know,” she replies. She turns around and asks someone else. “Spirited Away,” she answers. “Have you seen it?”

I shake my head. “Never.”

“Have you heard of it?” I shake my head again. “It’s Japanese animation. I hope you’re ready for different.” I am. Tonight is actually going much better than I expected. Leah is still hard to read, but I’m definitely having fun.

  * **Step 5: Make light physical contact. Even before dinner, try to engage in some sort of physical contact to demonstrate your interest. It needs to seem natural, so you can start by brushing your arms against his/her ‘accidentally’ and take it from there. The Holy Grail at this point would be hand holding.**



The only issue with outdoors cinema is that as soon as the sun disappears behind the building, it gets chilly. Leah, as the expert she is, is nothing but prepared though and gets a blanket out of her bag. We have to snuggle against each other to both fit under.

“I guess that counts as step five,” I whisper in her ear. She rolls her eyes at me.

This is very nice. The seat is really comfortable, the blanket is warm and soft, Leah is comfortable, warm and soft. And OH MY GOD, this brownie was the most delicious thing I ever ate in my entire life. Plus, the movie is weird but very captivating once you accept to let the movie take you where it wants it to instead of looking for answers for every detail. I really want to know what will happen to the weird dragon boy.

It is also very amusing to see the reaction of the youngest children. They really _live_ the movie.

Now that I know about this place, I think that a regular cinema would be disappointing. It would feel like a half-experience in a way.

  * **Step 6: Chose the restaurant wisely. It’s a date, don’t go somewhere you would go with your friends. The aim is romantic, not too crowded, and within budget.**



We agreed that I would choose the restaurant, and I did. But it doesn’t seem appropriate anyway. I don’t want to take Leah to a place that would fit a ‘mainstream date’ after she took me to the greatest cinema ever.

I have to think, and fast.

There is actually another place. I don’t know how I didn’t think about it before. It would have been better for any date.

There is a place, not far from my house, it’s a café more than a restaurant in many ways, but they do serve food until ten p.m. You can eat in their garden. It’s not really big, but it’s very cute. There are plants all around, and some parts even have a natural roof thanks to creeping plants. Around the trunks and branches, fairy lights and lanterns are scattered creating an enchanting atmosphere.

I’ve been there with my mom once and I remember being smitten by the place immediately. Hopefully, the magic will still be there tonight.

  * **Step 7: During dinner, try to mention five things you like about the other person. Be real, avoid the clichés and don’t try to over-do it.**



It is. I mean this place is halfway between fairy-tale and love at first sight. Even Leah looks around with sparkly eyes. True, it might just be the reflection of the lights in her eyes, but I’d rather see emotion.

In the garden, there is an old pizza oven and they use it as an outdoor fireplace. We are not far from it so it’s not cold.

As the food is brought to us, we start step seven. Leah starts. “I like that you can make friends easily.”

“You’re quite difficult to reach,” I say.

“No, I mean Simon for instance.”

“I am under the impression that you don’t particularly like my friendship with Simon.”

“I don’t make friends easily. My friends, the ones I really talk to, are…” Leah starts counting on her fingers. “Simone, Nick, Morgan, and Nora. So if I start losing them, I’ll just be alone.”

I don’t know how to tell her that I’m not taking her friends away. So instead, I unfold her last finger and I say: “And Abby.”

I thought she would roll her eyes at me, but she smiles and continues her list: “I like that you’re always positive and bubbly. Okay, I’m not going to lie, sometimes I find it annoying. But globally I would put it in your list of perks.”

I feel really pleased about that. Not the compliment itself, but the feeling that Leah is opening up to me.

“I like your hair.”

“My hair?”

“Yes, I’ve been jealous of it since I met you. I like that you’re into art.”

“You draw and you play music. I’m just in the play,” I temper.

“My favorite artist is a photographer. Some people say that you don’t need an artistic soul to press a button. But every art is art. I can draw but I couldn’t write a poem for instance. Everyone is talented in something. Anyway, for my last one, I would say…I like that you went along with my plan tonight and that you genuinely seemed to enjoy it!”

“I did! It was great! Actually, let’s make it my first bullet point. I like that you would know a place like this and that you would take me to it. Do you go there often?”

“Yes and no. I don’t really go much for myself anymore, but I help younger children with their homework once or twice a week. I will always be grateful that people were there for me when I needed them, so I want to be there for whoever might need it.”

“See, I really like that about you. That notion of giving back. Not many people still think like that. Which leads me to my next point. I like that under that ‘I don’t care’ exterior, you’re actually a softie!”

“I am not. I have never been this offended in my life.” But she is smiling and so am I.

“I am going to copy you for this one, but I also really like that you are creative. I learn a text and I perform. I love it, but there is no creation in there. I am always so admirative of people who can create things out of the void.”

“I can teach you how to draw.”

“I would love it. But that wouldn’t make me more imaginative.”

“It would, actually. The more you practice, the more you create, the further your own boundaries get.”

“Okay. But I am expecting you to turn me into Michel-Angelo. His work is perfection.”

“Perfection is boring. Art needs to have something flawed and raw. If it doesn’t, you didn’t push yourself hard enough.”

“I like that you’re not making excuses,” I say.

“What about?”

“Being yourself. You are you, always, and that’s intimidating.”

“You find me intimidating?”

“Very.” At first, she doesn’t seem to believe me, but then she blushes. Leah. Hard shell, soft inside.

  * **Step 8: Don’t let the evening end too early. After dinner, go for a walk. Around the block will do, but remember, the more romantic the better!**



“Take me to your favorite place,” I ask Leah as we leave the restaurant.

“What?”

“I’m still new here. I don’t know the town that well. But you’ve lived here your entire life. Surely, you have a favorite place. Would you show me?”

“Sure.”

Leah takes me to a park. We sit on a bench. In front of us, a pond reflects the light of the moon, the streetlight, and the skyscrapers in the background.

“It’s very pretty,” I comment.

“Thanks.”

“So. You just shared your favorite place with me. Does that mean we crossed the first door?”

She frowns for a second and then she remembers what I’m talking about. “Maybe.” That’s definitely a yes.

“Great. Let’s focus on door number two then.”

“Do you still think you can turn me into a romantic?”

“I don’t need to. I just need to make you accept that you are one already.”

“Good luck with that,” she says with a smile.

“Do you remember what you told me when the movie ended?” She shakes her head, looking slightly worried. “You said, and I quote your pretty mouth on this, ‘I’m sure they’re going to meet again’. You cared about the little love story in a non-romance movie.”

“I did not.”

“You did. Just admit that love isn’t that bad.”

Leah’s face sort of closes and I’m not sure why. She shifts on the bench and she is now facing me. I shift too to mirror her. “Let’s do step nine,” she suggests. “Maybe you’ll understand that your second door is pretty much closed for me.”

  * **Step 9: Let yourself be true and vulnerable. Tell the other person something you have never told anyone else.**



“Sure,” I whisper. I know the next thing she’s going to say is going to be the most real she’s ever been with me.

“My dad left for a nineteen-year-old waitress. He left his wife and daughter for what I’m assuming was just good sex. That’s what I am always reminded of when people talk about love. That in the end, it isn’t that strong. Sex and fun are enough to overpower the love you have for a person, but also for your family. The second thing that I am reminded of is that for the people who actually believe in love, like my mom, there is no coming back from it. I know she still cries about it sometimes and it’s been years. If that’s what love can do to a person, I don’t want it. I know it’s cute in books and movies, but that’s fine. It’s not real, you can do whatever you do with it. Superheroes aren’t real either but there isn’t a week without a Marvel movie showing. That’s what love is to me. Something people want to live because of movies, but that’s never going to be what you wanted. So why bother?”

Her arm is dangling over the backrest. I reach for her hand and our fingers intertwine. Her eyes fall on it and I don’t know if she’s entirely comfortable with that. Which tells me that I was right not going for the full-on hug. “Leah… I don’t mean to say that what you’re feeling isn’t valid, because it is. But this is one relationship that didn’t work. It sounds awful and ugly, but you shouldn’t let that define the way you approach love. Don’t let your dad take away more of your happiness.”

“Fine. Tell me one couple that made. A real one. Someone that defeated the odds.”

“What about Simon’s parents? Aren’t they high school sweethearts? They still look very happy.”

“But they are not the rule.”

“They show that it’s possible. They show something to aspire to.”

“What about your parents? Are they happy?”

“I don’t know. They were. Now that we’re all in different states…” Leah was real with me, so I guess it’s time for me to be real with her. “I know my dad is trying to join us, but I don’t think he’s trying as hard as he used to. After a while, you just get used to your reality, whatever that is. I think I’m afraid that if this situation doesn’t get resolved soon, that’s just what our family is going to be from now on.”

Leah squeezes my fingers. “I’m sure that’s not true. I’m sure your dad and brother want to be with you. And your mom surely wants them to be here as well.” I don’t know why, but coming from Leah, those words mean everything.

“Excuse me… What was that? Are you telling me to believe in love and family?”

Of course, she rolls her eyes at me. “I don’t know. I guess it’s easier tonight,” she says.

I’m about to make a joke about door number two being unlocked when I notice the tone she used, the way she looks at our hands together… I think there is something more behind her words. I think we might be looking at the third door already.

My mind starts spiraling.

I am not into girls.

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**→**

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But if I were, would I be into Leah?  
  
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**↑**

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| 

**↓**  
  
And Leah was different. She opened up to me. I think she wants this.

| 

**←**

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Tonight has been one of the best nights of my life.  
  
Over and over until Leah can see that I’m staring at our hands too, visibly confused. Then she looks at me and I know she’s about to lean in.

  * **Step 10: Take the other person home. Not only does that prolong the evening, but it also shows that you care about the other person’s wellbeing and it can lead to the next step.**



“Leah, I’m not there yet.” I can see her face starting to close off immediately and I squeeze her fingers to remind her that I’m still here, that I’m not running away, to not let her pull away and shut me off again. “It’s not… It’ just a lot.”

“I get it.”

“No, you don’t.”

“It’s new to me too,” she tells me.

“It’s more than new to me. It never even crossed my mind before now.”

“You and me?”

“Me and any girl. Quite frankly, I don’t think I would even consider it if it weren’t for you. If it weren’t for right now.”

“Wait… you are considering this?”

I nod. For a moment, we simply stare at each other, still holding hands.

“Do you want to walk me home?” I ask after a while.

“Yes, I do.”

Neither of us lets go of the other one’s hand the entire walk. But we don’t talk about that. We talk about everything but that.

When we get to my place, the lights are out. My mom is apparently still out with her friends. I ask Leah if she wants to come in for a minute. She does.

We end up sitting on my bed, listening to music, eating Skittles. My mind keeps going back to their slogan and the light innuendo behind it right now.

“How many couples do you think we’ll have on Monday?” I ask.

“From those dates? Zero.”

“Zero? You think that none of those pairings could lead to something.”

“Please. Okay, let’s start with the obvious one. Morgan is not dumping Aaron for Nick.”

“Fine. This one is very unlikely. What about Garrett and Anna?”

“Has _anyone_ ever considered Garrett and Anna as a possibility? They’re not a thing. They have nothing in common. Plus, we’ve all seen Anna giving looks to Simon.”

“I don’t know. I mean… true, I’ve seen the looks, but I think Garrett could win her over if he wanted to. He’s nice and… probably more into Anna than Simon.”

“That’s very true. Simon didn’t even mention her since they broke up. Not like he ghosted her, just like… he lost all interest. Anyway, here we are. Me being realistic and you being optimistic. We’ll see on Monday who’s right.”

“Maybe that’s our thing. You prepare me for the harsh reality of life, and I teach you how to dream a little.”

She smiles, before saying, “And finally, we have Bram and Simon. That’s the biggest no.”

“Why? Don’t you think Simon could be into Bram?” I know Simon didn’t come out to her yet, but is she so sure that he’s straight? She’s known him forever.

“I don’t know if Simon is into Bram, but there is no way Bram is into Simon.”

“Why not?”

“He’s clearly out of his league. He’s hot and smart. Usually, in life, you have to choose one or the other.”

“That’s very offensive toward every intelligent or pretty person. Plus Simon is funny and cute.”

“So is Garrett. And I don’t think Bram is into Garrett. I would be far less surprised if someone told me that Garrett was into Bram. That, I’d believe.”

“You’re ridiculous. I’d like to see a Bram/Simon romance.”

“Me too. That would be so funny.”

“Funny?”

“Simon would have to show up to soccer games. That alone is funny. And then I’m sure he would start studying very hard to impress Bram. Or, even better, start playing soccer. I’d pay to watch that! So, I’ll stand with you on this one. I want to see some Simon and Bram epic love story.”

Not the win I would have liked, but she’s warming up to love stories, so I’ll call that a win anyways. “And what about us?” I ask.

“You said you weren’t ready,” she replies.

“I did,” I admit. “It’s a lot, and it’s confusing, and… I’m not even sure what I feel.”

“What would make you sure?” Leah asks. “Other than time.”

“Step eleven?”

  * **Step 11: The goodnight kiss. If the evening went well, you might go for the kiss. But remember, it’s about the moment as much as the person, and you can’t force any of them. It is equally romantic to wait until date number two.**



Leah’s mouth falls slightly open in surprise and all I can think about is how easy it would be to kiss her with her lips gently open like that.

I sit up straight and then ‘stand’ on my knees. I take Leah’s hand and gently pull on it. She stands to and there we are, facing each other, a few inches apart.

“Are you sure?” Leah asks looking at me.

“Are you?” Leah nods, although she looks a bit nervous. I am nervous too. Not just about the kiss, but about what comes after. What if only one of us feels something?

Our lips touch and… _holy shit_. I don’t swear a lot, but in this case… It’s different from other kisses I had, but not because she’s a girl. Just because every first kiss is different. It’s neither better nor worse. Okay, it might be a bit better. Every first kiss is new, and exciting, and a dive in the unknown, but this one might be even more so.

I shift even closer and Leah’s hands fall respectively on my side and in my hair. I grab her thigh and her neck.

We break the kiss but we don’t let go of each other. We just stare for a couple of minutes, both a bit overwhelmed.

A few hours ago, the possibility of Leah didn’t exist in my mind. For so many reasons. I always identified as straight – I never even questioned it – and I was a bit into Nick. Right now, if I had to choose, I wouldn’t choose Nick. Actually, I’m pretty sure I already chose. I don’t know if Leah and I are going to have an epic love story, but I definitely want to see where this goes.

“The third door isn’t that far now, huh?” I ask half-jokingly.

She doesn’t reply but she smiles.

I kiss her again.

  * **Step 12: Call. If the date went well, there is no reason to delay calling.**



“Do you have plans this weekend?” I ask her as she is putting her jacket back on.

“I’m seeing Simon on Sunday.”

“Do you want to do something tomorrow?”

“Sure. What do you have in mind?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I just want to see you. It will also give us the chance to decide what we want to be before Monday.”

“Right. The big debrief.”

“How about I have a look at things to do in Atlanta, and then we pick together? I think it’s time I get to know the place I live in a bit better, and I’ve never really done much in Atlanta itself.”

“Works for me,” she says.

“So I call you tonight?”

She nods and puts one last kiss on my lips. “Talk to you later.” Then she leaves.

Tomorrow will be the perfect opportunity to put some order in my thoughts. Know how I feel before Monday. Actually, even more importantly, know what I feel before I decide if I need to talk to my mom about it.

Did I just get a girlfriend?

Gosh, that article…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... who do you want to narrate the Monday chapter? At first I thought Simon to go full circle, then I thought Garrett because he's my fav, then I thought someone we didn't already read from and then I couldn't decide anymore.  
> Any preference?


	5. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you thought this chapter would never come.

**Simon**

For the first time in years, I wake up before my alarm goes off. But I can’t sleep anymore. I have this extra energy that won’t calm down. Then again, today, I am having breakfast with my boyfriend. That sentence seems unreal for so many reasons.

We talked on the phone, we texted, we even emailed, but I haven’t seen Bram since we decided to be boyfriends.

Bram. Blue. I think about it and it makes me smile. Every time.

It was hard not to mention anything to Leah yesterday. But I really need to talk to Bram first. We need to decide what we are, what we can say, what we need to keep to ourselves. We aren’t even out. It was easy in a way because Leah didn’t mention the date. Not even once. Does she dislike Abby that much?

I know it makes me a bad friend, but I can’t think about Leah for too long. My brain keeps going back to Blue and his emails. Bram and our date. Bram and his lips.

Gosh. I can’t wait to see him.

When I enter the kitchen, it smells amazing. My dad made Belgian waffles. The man has his flaws, but he definitely knows how to make breakfast. This morning, however, the magic doesn’t work that well. Regardless of how delicious I know these waffles are, they have nothing on Bram.

“Good morning son!” my dad almost cheers when I sit at the table. “How many waffles? One? Two? Three? Make the most of that teenager's metabolism of yours!”

“Zero, actually.” He looks at me like I stabbed him and my mother is clearly going full shrink mode, trying to over-analyze my waffle refusal. “I’m having breakfast with my boyfriend.” I dropped the B-word as casually as I could but all my family is smiling now. Annoyingly knowing smiles.

“That boy from the fake date?” My dad asks. “Are you two official now?”

I try to ignore the fact that my cheeks are slightly warmer than usual. “We are.”

“I told you he couldn’t turn down the Spier awesomeness.” Really I’m the one who can’t turn down the Greenfeld awesomeness, but mentioning that would be cheesy, unnecessary. Besides, it’s very nice to have my dad so on my side and so happy for me.

“When are we meeting him?” my mother asks.

“As soon as he likes me enough to overlook the lot of you,” I reply as a joke but some part of me means it. I am not losing Bram Greenfeld because my mother asks him personal questions no one should ask a stranger, because my dad made an offensive joke without even realizing it, or because Nora stared at him like an animal in a zoo. Nope. Not happening.

I’m out of the house as soon as I see Bram’s car pulling up. Even through a windshield, he is handsome and my heart rate races up a bit.

I get into his car and, suddenly, things are weird. Blue and I need to learn how to exist in a world without screens, and Bram and I simply need to learn how to exist. We sort of hesitate before leaning in and the kiss is short and a bit messy. That doesn’t scare or embarrass me though. Bram and I will find our comfort zone and our rhythm. I am sure of it. I completely fell for Blue, Bram completely enthralled me during the date, and our kiss made me feel all the things it should have. For an inexplicable reason, I am pretty sure that Bram feels the same way.

Please, let me not be wrong on this.

In the booth of WaHo, I have a hard time detaching my eyes from Bram and I’m pretty sure that I am smiling like an idiot the entire time. I am probably being very obvious because the waitress calls us ‘lovebirds’. Bram doesn’t seem to mind, though.

“So… about lunch,” he says after a few minutes of small talks, “what do you want to say?”

“I don’t really mind,” I say and Bram looks a bit disappointed. I instantly feel the need to explain. “Bram… I’m so happy we found each other, and I’m also very happy it happened that way. It was so perfect. I feel so lucky that you agreed to be my boyfriend. But I also know that this is all new, that we are not out, and that it is… complicated. I am pretty sure that our friends will be fine with it. Happy for us, even. It makes things easier, but it doesn’t make them easy.” Bram looks like he gets it. Of course, he does. How could he not? “I am ready to be out. I would be so proud to publicly label you as my boyfriend. But I can wait. I don’t want to do anything you’re not one hundred percent comfortable doing. I realize that our life is going to be a succession of coming outs, but… This is the first one. It’s the big one. It should be whenever we’re ready.” I realize that it sounds sort of sexual and I hope that Bram didn’t.

“My mom knows. Garrett knows. You know. I still have to tell my dad, but he lives in Savannah, so it’s not like he’s going to hear from someone else. I feel like… I don’t care who else knows or doesn’t know. Part of me doesn’t care either if people know you’re my boyfriend. But the other part really wants to shout it off the rooftops. I don’t want to lie or hide things when someone asks me if I fell in love with you in just one date.” Bram seems to realize what he just said and his eyes find mine, a bit panicked. “I mean… you know what I mean.”

I don’t want to give him any chance to take it back. I slide my hand on the table until the tip of my fingers brushes his forearm. “It wasn’t just one date, though.”

Bram relaxes and smiles. I can see on his face that he is thinking back about Jacques and Blue. Definitely more than one date. It might have been what pushed us over the edge, what made us real, but we have slowly been falling for each other for months now.

“Then… are we going public?” Bram asks. “To our friends, I mean.”

“I would love that.”

Bram’s smile might be wider than mine, right now.

We get back to his car and the parking lot is completely empty. Here, we can’t be seen from the restaurant or the street. In this instant, it’s almost like we’re alone in the world. I grab Bram’s wrist, put my hand on his neck, take a second to check in his eyes that he understands what I’m going to do and is fine with it, and kiss him.

The kiss is much better than our earlier one. There is no awkwardness. Just rhythm and passion. Bram pulls me closer. This is the kiss I’ve been waiting for, and it’s all I hoped it would be.

“Simon… Would you want to come to my house after school? I thought… maybe we could do more of this?”

That prospect makes it less heart-breaking to have to stop our current activity for something as mundane as school. “Right now, I don’t think there is anything I would like more!”

**Garrett**

It’s Monday. I’m a bit excited to know how everyone else’s date went, but I’m mostly looking forward to Anna. Apart from that one message where she mentioned maybe having found the perfect boyfriend, we did what we agreed on. We gave ourselves time to think about it.

We still messaged nearly all weekend, we just didn’t mention the date, today, or any romantic prospects. We just talked about everything else. I felt like I could talk to her the way I would Bram. Except that I do not spend that much time choosing the words I use when I talk to Bram.

I don’t know what she decided on her end, but I know that I want her. I want to spend time with her. I want to make her smile. I want her to like me. I want to be there when she needs me. I want to be the one allowed to take her hand in the hallway. And, let’s face it, I also want her in a more literal way.

Yesterday evening, however, as I was texting her, already in bed, the conversation drifted there. Because I’m an idiot, I started a game called ‘Why you shouldn’t date me’ where we listed ten reasons why the other one shouldn’t date us. The idea was to enter this being completely sure it’s what we want, not creating a situation where we might make things awkward at the lunch table.

It was the stupidest idea. Because as I sent Anna a list of my flaws, trying to be as honest as possible, probably giving her second thoughts, she sent me a text that made me completely fall in love with her. There, in ten bullet points, Anna was more true, raw and honest than anyone before in my life, laying her insecurities, flaws, most human aspects of her personality, phrasing things perfectly, even showing between the lines aspects of her I never saw or even suspected before.

That girl, even more so than the one from the fake date, is someone I want to be allowed to fall in love with.

I need something to get my mind off it. I need to find Bram. See how his date with Spier went. Part of me hopes it didn’t. Because if it went well and Spier isn’t actually gay, Bram is just going to fall for someone who can’t reciprocate his feelings and that’s the last thing I want for him. I know he doesn’t give his trust or make friends easily and I’m sure it’s lonely sometimes. I just want him to find someone who can see how great he is and who can make him open up. If that’s Spier, great. If not, I wish Bram wouldn’t fall any deeper.

But as I am walking to my locker, I don’t run into Bram. I run into Anna. If I had any doubt about my feelings, my heart and my stomach just gave me the last proof I would need. She sees me and she has this adorable soft, shy smile.

“Hi,” she says.

“Good morning.” I want to tell her something nice. That she’s pretty. That I like her dress. Something. Instead, my mouth decides to say: “It’s Monday.” Well done me, I’m sure she’s madly in love with me now. What was that? Me telling her that I know the days of the week in the right order, or me pressuring her for an answer?

But, somehow, her smile gets less shy. “It is,” she answers softly. “Have you done anything interesting this weekend?”

“I made a new friend.”

I only realize what I said when I see her smile flicker. I didn’t mean it like that. She speaks before I can correct myself. “So… about lunch… what do we tell people?”

“We can tell them that the date went well. They don’t need to know more than that.”

Her smile seems frozen, almost fake. This conversation is absolutely not going where I would like it to. “You’re right. _They_ don’t.”

There is something in the way she said ‘they’ and I only then understand that she doesn’t care about what we are going to tell people at lunch. It was her way of asking me what I decided. I am about to answer her when Bram appears, out of nowhere.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” I answer. I’m sure Bram won’t mind if I ask him to give us a minute.

“Hi, Bram,” Anna says before I can even open my mouth. “You look… different.” She’s right. There is something about Bram. I would say he looks… more confident.

“Good different or bad different?” he asks.

“Definitely good,” she assures him and he looks pleased. I know it’s incredibly tiny, but the two of them bonding, even sort of, makes me very happy. “Okay, I should go find Morgan. See you at lunch boys.”

I don’t know how to make her stay, so I let her go. I guess it’s fine. We can talk later.

“So, Greenfeld, how was your weekend? Actually, I don’t care about that. How was your date? You never replied to my text.”

“I did reply.”

“No. You sent a text back. With absolutely zero reply to the content of the text I previously sent you.”

“Sorry about that. I needed to talk to Simon first.”

My heart jumps in happiness for him. New confidence, smile, slight blush and chat with Spier. It can only mean one thing, right? “Talk to Spier about what?” I ask, playing dumb.

“I’m not telling you before lunch,” he says with a smile that’s already telling me the whole story regardless, “that was the rule, right?”

Right. Lunch. Where I can hear all about Bram’s epic love story and discover if I’m getting one of my own.

**Morgan**

“I’ll find you after school, gorgeous,” Aaron says, letting go of my hand as we reach my locker. Every morning, he picks me up, takes me to my locker even though his is on the other side of the school. Then we don’t see each other until it’s time to go home. We agreed on that early on. School is a place where we each have our own life. We obviously don’t ignore each other in the corridors, but we spend time with our own friends, and we make sure that we are impatient and excited to meet the other one in the parking lot after school.

Anna finds me by my locker. “Hey, you. How was your weekend?”

“Great. Aaron and I celebrated our eight monthary.”

“You do know that’s not a thing?” she asks me.

“It’s exactly what I told him, but it was still nice.” I point out. I can see on her face that she perfectly gets it.

“What did you do for your random-date-versary?”

“We went on your magic date.”

“Oh? So you didn’t fall madly in love with Nick?”

“No.” I don’t really want to talk about the date with Nick. Not because I’m upset about it, but because Nick wasn’t quite his usual self and I don’t want that to be who he is in my mind or anyone else’s. “But I might have fallen for Aaron all over again. So that’s a win for the article, I guess. What about you? Not too disappointed?” She seems confused. “About not going with Simon.”

“Oh. No. You were right. Simon and I didn’t work for a reason.” Oh, wow. What changed her mind? Her recent obsession with Simon was ridiculous, we both knew that, but she still seemed to cling to the idea for some reason.

“Did you fall madly in love with Garrett, then?” It was a joke. The last thing I expected was a blush. I mean… Anna and Garrett? Really? “Wait… are you two a thing now?”

“No! Well… maybe. I don’t know.”

“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?”

“I thought we were, but right now he referred to me as ‘a friend’, and maybe it’s for the best. I think you were right. You shouldn’t date from your circle of friends.”

I really don’t know what to answer to that. I mean… it’s a lot of information. I need to know more about what happened between the two of them before I can advise her. I can’t ask her more questions, though, because Nick is walking toward us with a gift bag.

“Hi, Nick. What’s that?”

“Presents for you?”

“What?”

“Yeah. Date stuff. There are flowers – but paper flowers because I don’t know if flowers can survive a day in school – chocolate, a tiny teddy bear and even a flash drive with songs. You know, the modern version of a mixtape.”

“But why?”

“The article was right. I’m completely in love with you.”

“Very funny.” I sound sarcastic, but it was kind of funny. Anna’s face when he said that was definitely hilarious.

“It’s an apology. Just because we both knew we wouldn’t be a thing, I shouldn’t have treated the date so carelessly. You were right, we could have had a nice evening out. I just… was in the wrong mindset. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you for apologizing. It means a lot. And thank you for the gifts. They are funny and thoughtful.”

We are interrupted by the bell. Time for first period. I guess I’ll grill Anna later.

**Abby**

I need to find Leah before class and the bell is about to ring. She wasn’t by her locker. I find her in the library, returning some books.

“Good morning,” she says when she sees me. “Let me guess… you changed your mind for the twelfth time?” She doesn’t sound upset, nor annoyed. Actually, she seems amused.

“What do you mean?”

“Every time we speak, you have a different opinion. Tell our friends at lunch. Keep it a secret. Tell everyone. Wait a while… It’s a bit dizzying, really.”

“Leah, I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t be. I told you. I get it. It’s a lot for me too, even if I think I’m a step ahead of you. So I’m going to decide for you. We’re not telling people today.”

“Leah, are you sure?”

“I am. We don’t need for the world to know about us to exist. I think we need time to see if we are a thing or if we are just… experimenting or even compatible. We probably can’t do that if people know about us and start putting expectations on us, one way or the other.”

I just love that she understands. That I didn’t even have to ask or even put words myself on the thoughts spiraling in my head. “Thank you,” I say.

“Don’t thank me. I’m not doing you a favor. It’s what I need too!”

She is right. We both need time to ourselves without the world meddling in our business. I feel peace right now. Leah and I are on the same page. I am sure we will grow and develop nicely. I am not stupid. I understand that the outside world is not going to make this easy on us. Which is why we need to get strong before we put ourselves out there. This is still new, thrilling and frightening, but it also feels like exactly what I want, what I needed all along.

The bell rings and I briefly squeeze Leah’s hand before heading to first period.

**Nick**

I have to admit that I’m a bit excited for lunch. I think it’s going to be fun. Even if Morgan tells everyone that I was a grumpy jerk. I don’t think she would, but it would be well deserved.

Garrett and I are coming from AP calculus and we are the last ones to join the table. Things are interesting already. Morgan and Anna swapped seats for whatever reason and Anna is now next to Garrett. I think it was deliberate because of how obvious it is that the two of them are desperately trying _not_ to touch. So I guess that date went well.

“Okay, we’re all here now,” Morgan says. “Should we eat and make small talk, pretending that we’re not all thinking about the same thing, or should we go straight for the juicy details?” Garrett shoots her a look that clearly means that what she just said doesn’t even deserve a verbalized answer. “Fine,” Morgan replies to the glare. “You take over, Mr. Entertainer.”

No offense to Morgan, but she’s right. He’s the entertainer. He should take this over.

“Fine. Bram look away!” Bram absolutely doesn’t look away when Garrett empties his pencil case in his bag again, but he doesn’t look mortified this time, just resigned. Garrett gets post-it notes out of the front pocket of his bag. “Okay, guys, let give the article a chance to fight back. On your post-it note, just say if you would go for date number two.”

“What? No!” Leah interrupts. “I am not going to admit defeat because horny teenagers want to go on a second date. There is this kid in my geography class that would go on a date with a tree.”

“Well as long as he doesn’t take it to step eleven, I don’t see the problem,” Garrett replies. “But I see your point. You want a clean win. Fine. But I want a shot at winning as well and none of us is going to admit being madly in love after one date. I mean, we have street cred to maintain.”

“You’re an idiot,” Leah says. She is sort of right. But Garret is the greatest kind of idiot, the one that hides some sort of genius.

“Let’s compromise,” I say. “Let’s go for ‘might you be falling in love’.” Not that it will make a difference for my date.

Garrett points at me. “I’m fine with that.”

“Me too,” Leah concedes.

Garrett hands out the pieces of paper and we all write something before putting it in the pencil case. Garrett closes it and shakes it. “I’m going to try to preserve your anonymity, but I’m pretty sure I can recognize all your handwritings.”

“No you can’t,” Bram reacts.

“Really, Mr. Perfectly-Round-Vowels-And-Incredibly-Straight-Consonants?”

Garrett has a point. Bram’s handwriting looks like he used a stencil. But Bram counters on semantics: “How are my ‘i’s rounds? Or my ‘g’s straight?”

Garrett seems about to say something, but stops halfway through opening his mouth and clearly changes his mind. Whatever he was going to say, I’m sure he would have said it if it were just him and Bram. “Fine. Is everyone fine with me showing off my skills and destroying your privacy at the same time?”

No one objects and Garrett smiles like a kid that was just given an extra birthday present. “Okay, so… number one. This is very round. I’m going for Abby. It says ‘maybe’. I’m sorry for you, Burke, but that’s just a polite ‘no’. Then again, that’s a point for you.” Maybe? I am pretty sure that Abby and Leah would have been fine with her saying no if that was the answer. So maybe means… I don’t know what that means, but Abby never felt more far away. I don’t really have time to process it, because Garrett continues.

“This one, honestly, I can barely read it. That’s so Nick’s. Man, I’m telling you, just from your handwriting, go to med school. Anyway, I’m pretty sure that’s just two letters, so I guess it’s a no. Morgan, are you heartbroken?”

“Terribly. I guess I just have to settle for second best and stay with Aaron.” She said that with a smile and I get a sense that she doesn’t hold a grudge. I think in a few weeks we should go on that date again. Not that I want something from her, I just want us to have the fun evening out we could have gotten.

Garrett picks another piece of paper. “That’s Bram’s. I’d spot those round ‘i’s and straight ‘g’s anywhere. It says…” Garrett stops mid-sentence and looks at Bram. His face isn’t giving away anything.

“What does it say?” Leah asks. “That you’re losing? Are you that desperate not to admit defeat?”

Garrett doesn’t say anything. He seems a bit unsure. “Garrett?” Anna asks softly. “What does it say?”

But Bram answers instead: “That I’m in love with Simon.”

I nearly choke on my sandwich. This is both unexpected and awkward. I don’t have time to feel sorry for Bram because I need to check on Simon. But Simon doesn’t look weirded out. He is smiling. Oh. So this isn’t awkward. This is… Simon is gay? Is it a recent discovery? Am I a terrible friend? I would happily upset Morgan fifty more times just to have been there for Simon in that moment. Even though that’s a half-empty wish, because I would probably just awkwardly pat him on the shoulder and give him the second controller. But then I guess he would know I’m fine with it and that would be a little less lonely. Then again, it’s not lonely now. We know. And he has Bram. By the way, have they been looking at each other this way since the beginning of lunch? Because now I can definitely tell that something is going on.

“Yours says yes too, right?” I ask Simon.

“It does.”

“Great. Otherwise, that would have been hella awkward.”

Simon smiles at my verbal pat on the shoulder. He gets what I mean. He’s still my brother from another mother. Or something.

“Actually,” Garrett says, “this tiny handwriting is Simon’s. It says yes.”

“Gosh, I really want to know how that date went,” Morgan comments. I agree one hundred percent. But Simon starts to blush so I change the subject.

“Who’s next?”

“That looks like Morgan. I’m very sorry, Nick. She said no too.”

“Yeah. That’s a real tragedy. I don’t want to relive the pain. Let’s just move on.”

“Okay… this one I don’t know the handwriting, but the vocabulary is clearly Leah’s. it says ‘inconclusive’. Sorry, Abby, that’s the formal way to say ‘no’.” Again, I absolutely can’t imagine Leah beating around the bush. Her who kept saying that the article was just a pile of crap. I thought I would feel upset about that, but I’m confused more than anything. Simon, and now Leah? I always thought Si was the oblivious one.

“That leaves you and Anna,” Leah says. “At best, it’s a draw. And that’s _if_ you made her fall in love with you.” It could sound mean, but she clearly said it as a joke. Garrett, however, who is quite good at laughing at himself, isn’t even smiling. He seems nervous. Anna seems nervous. Even I feel nervous, now, and I didn’t even consider the possibility of them falling in love until… pretty much now.

Garrett picks one of the two pieces of paper left and opens it. “This one is in cursive. That’s Anna.” He tries to keep the same tone as before, but I can tell he’s a bit tense. Almost immediately, though, he lets out a breath and his shoulders drop an inch.

He looks at her and I’ve never seen anyone so happy before. He leans in and puts a quick kiss on her lips. Anna’s cheeks go pink but she has a pleased and happy smile on her face.

That just warms my heart. I guess I’m secretly a sucker for romance.

**Leah**

It’s just after school. I meet Nick in the parking lot. He’s my ride today. He’s already sitting on the hood of his car. I sit next to him. For a moment, we don’t move or speak. I know what we need to talk about. It’s just hard when I don’t know what he thinks about it. Is he upset? Sad? Mad? Does he not care? Could he be happy about it?

“So… inconclusive?” he asks.

“Yeah. It’s still up for debate.”

“How long have you known?”

I know he doesn’t mean Abby. “I didn’t. Not for sure. I had those thoughts and feelings that I knew weren’t… Anyway. I’m still in the process of figuring things out.”

“And did you know about Simon? I mean… I’m not comparing the two things, it’s just that… we grew up together and I realized that I don’t know either of you.”

“Yes, you do. Simon coming out doesn’t change who he is.”

“But if I knew him better, I would have noticed something. Maybe not that he was gay, but something.”

“Nick… I know it comes from a place of love, but don’t make this about you. You didn’t know before because Simon didn’t either. Then he didn’t show it. You didn’t notice something was off because nothing is off. Now was his time to let people know, so now we know.”

“I guess it’s not your time just yet, huh?”

“No. Not just yet.”

“So… Abby?”

“Nick, I… I really don’t want you to feel hurt.”

“I’m not hurt.”

“You’re not?”

“Would you be happy for me if I started dating Abby?”

“No, probably not. But I’m the selfish moody one.” He smiles and puts his arm around my shoulders. This is weird. This isn’t us. But it’s also kind of nice. I will give him one minute before I push him away.

**Anna**

I close my locker and there is Garrett. Ever since the date, there is this sweet, almost painful sensation in my stomach whenever I see him. Or even just a message from him.

“Hey, I know you take the bus to school and I was wondering if you wanted a ride back home.”

“Garrett, that’s a massive detour for you!”

“No, it’s not. It’s a small detour. That I’m happy to make. You know… spend time with the girl that is ‘absolutely’ falling for me.”

I felt brave when I put that word on the note. I wanted Garrett to know how I feel. For the first time, I understand why we call it ‘falling in love’. It really feels like free-falling. I want to spend time with Garrett too, so I accept his offer.

As he is driving me home, I think about my past relationship. My dating history isn’t that great. Simon was the nicest, but we were so wrong for each other. And probably not just because of the gay thing. James was charming until I told him I wanted to wait for sex, then he became disinterested. Matthew ended up being nothing but a bully.

So Garrett scares me, in a way. It almost feels like there are only two possible outcomes. He is either going to turn out to be like the others, or he is going to realize that he doesn’t want to date me.

We get out of the car and as I am about to get to the door to let us in, Garrett pulls me to the place we exchanged our first kiss, away from any prying eyes. For a second, I think he is about to kiss me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he asks: “You’ve been miles away, in the car. What’s on your mind?”

There is no way I can tell him. Not only is it embarrassing, but I also don’t know how to put words on how happy and afraid I am at the same time. Except I can, because it’s Garrett, and I have been able to tell him anything. He is still here. Even after knowing about my dad. After that list I texted him.

“I’m a bit afraid.”

Garrett runs his fingers on my cheek. It’s soft and featherlike, but the feeling still lingers on my skin. “I know.”

“You do?”

“I’m a bit scared too.”

“Of me?” This is the most surprising thing he could have said. There is _nothing_ scary about me.

“Yes, you. Or rather… I’m afraid of not being able to make ‘us’ be as great as you wish. Or deserve.”

“It’s not your job to make us great. We either will be or we won’t.”

“I really want us to be, though.”

Just like that, Garrett isn’t as scary anymore. We are going to be happy, I know it. He’s all kinds of perfect. “Garrett?”

“Anna?”

“What did you put on the post-it note?”

“It’s a bit underwhelming.”

“I still want to know.”

“I wrote ‘yes’.” There are much worse cases of underwhelming.

“That’s more than good enough. So… do you want to come inside?”

“Or… we could stay here a few more minutes?” His eyes fall on my lips and my stomach does that thing again.

“There’s no one home.”

“I would _love_ to come in.”

We are on my bed, now horizontal, and Garrett’s hands start exploring. Once more, that makes me feel happy and desirable but scared as well. This time I don’t even think twice before voicing my concern.

“Garrett, you know that thing you did at soccer camp?”

One of his eyebrows rises up in surprise. He doesn’t joke about it. He can probably tell that I am brushing on an important subject. “I do.”

“I’ve never done that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“That it’s fine. That it doesn’t matter.”

His face goes all soft and he smiles gently at me. “Anna… of course, that’s fine!” He cups my face and forces me to hold eye-contact. I don’t know what he’s looking for, but he says: “I don’t know how the other boys in your life treated you, but they didn’t really build up your self-esteem, did they?” It was rhetorical because he carries on. “Anna, you never have to make excuses or justify who you are. I want to be with you for exactly who you are. And the sex… I mean sure, it’s fun, and I hope that there will be some of that at some point. But I’m not expecting any. It’s if and when we want to.”

“You know when I said I wanted you to make things as magical as the date… I didn’t mean the restaurant or the planetarium, or any of that. I meant this. This feeling I get when I’m with you. That you’re really there, that you really listen, and that you just accept me for me.”

It was a little embarrassing to say, but it’s worth it, even just for the way he is looking at me now. “Of course, I accept you. What you shared that night, the things in your text… I accept all of that. More than that, I am impressed by the way you see things and handle them. As for what you just told me… don’t let things like that worry you. I want you for you. Even if you had done it before, I wouldn’t presume that it means you would do it with me.”

“I’m so glad I read that stupid article,” I say.

“Me too. It was the push I needed to see what was right in front of me.”

I start kissing him again. This time, I let my hands travel too.

**Bram**

Today has been a great day. The best, maybe. Coming out happened so organically that it almost was disappointing in a way. None of our friends commented. They just accepted the idea of Simon and me. Maybe even easier than the idea of Garrett and Anna. Which is slightly unexpected, but they looked so cute and happy.

Today was especially great because of my boyfriend. My mind is still not used to that idea. I have a boyfriend. Actually, I have _the_ boyfriend. I got the boy I wanted. This is crazy.

Right now, we are in the living room, in my favorite armchair, Simon on my lap, kissing. We are not rushed, this time. We experiment on pressure, rhythm, intensity… No awkwardness this time. Just the two of us accessing the feelings that Jacques and Blue couldn’t express.

“Did you really mean it?” Simon asks after a while, when we’re not kissing anymore, but still very much entangled in one armchair, which is definitely, _definitely_ my favorite piece of furniture in the house now.

“Mean what?”

“What you said at lunch.”

“I did. I was so close as Blue. Then I was definitely going there on the date. It’s like my feelings for Simon and my feelings for Jacques didn’t just add up. They multiplied. I love you, Simon.”

“I love you too, Bram.”

Best. Day. Ever.

We are eating Oreos (that I bought yesterday for the day Simon would come to my house) in the kitchen when my mother comes back from work.

“Mom, this is Simon,” I tell her as she enters the kitchen.

“Hello, Simon. Are you a friend from the soccer team?” I’m sure she remembers that I went on a date with Simon, but she doesn’t know where I know him from, and it would be odd to refer to him as ‘the boy who took my son on a fake date.’

I can see Simon smile and I repress a laugh myself. “No, Ma’am. I’m just a friend from school.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you.”

“You too, Mrs. Greenfeld.”

“Actually, Mom… Simon is not just a friend from school.” I look at Simon in case he isn’t ready to be introduced as my boyfriend. He doesn’t look upset or panicked. He seems proud. So I finish: “He’s my boyfriend.”

My mother looks at Simon with a new interest. Her eyes are soft and happy. But then she looks at me with that Abraham-Louis-Greenfeld-You-Are-A-Disappointment look that she perfected with time. “So you get your boyfriend home and the best food you have to offer is Oreos?”

I see her point. No one would be impressed by Oreos. No one but Simon.


End file.
